Dream Wild Mashup: Prophetic Words, Songs and Declarations by Jennifer LeClaire

This is NOT satire, this is real:

Jennifer LeClaire is actually trying to sell CDs of this useless "prophetic" drivel, accompanied by some music. Her website says this: "This is a CD of prophetic words, sounds and decrees that defy impossibilities." Huh? Wouldn't it have been more honest to say: "This is a CD of various catch-phrases and slogans, accompanied by music. Jennifer LeClaire wants more money."

Real musicians are often making their entire albums available for FREE on various music websites, like Bandcamp and Soundcloud; but Jennifer puts this video of short samples on YouTube, without allowing anyone to hear the whole thing. Wait... this CD is a prophetic "word from God" but you need to send LeClaire $15.00 if you want to hear it?? 

No thanks, Jennifer, we've got the actual Word of God.

Pastor Spanks Himself for the Super Bowl and Other Silly Stuff

Apparently, most men are ignorant brutes who won't come to church unless it's turned into a spectacle of stupidity. At least this "church" seems to think so...

Has your pastor ever publicly spanked himself before getting up to preach? If you attend Crossroads Church you can answer in the affirmative.

Crossroads Church held their Super Bowl of preaching, and of course they had a major supply of worthless nonsense. The self-spanking pastor was only the beginning.

They bragged that the church service was rowdy and offensive. They had a "family friendly" sex joke and pun, and even talked about junk in the trunk. Check out the animated gifs below just so you too can experience the worthless nonsense.

You can watch the worst of the worst below, including the self-spanking pastoral entrance, sex joke and pun, junk in the trunk, other antics, and even the pastor asking why people don't want to be associated with Evangelicals. Hmm. . . I wonder why?

If you really want to, you can watch most of the entire service.

This is a followup entry on a previous entry about their Super Bowl of Preaching gimmick. Yet another entry that does not need further commentary.

“...in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.”

— Titus 2: 7-8

Pastor David Hughes Jumps Up and Down on Gigantic Couch

Is it any surprise that this ridiculous "pastor" completely mishandles the Word of God? Is it any surprise that he gives a totally Law-based motivational speech that tries to manipulate his audience into doing more? 

Listen to the sermon review on this episode of Fighting for the Faith:

Big Comfy Couch (The Sermon)

Here's the comedian Galagher from the 1980's:

Hmmm, does "pastor" David Hughes remind you of any another guy jumping?...

Here's another great sermon review from BEZELT3:

God "Knocked You Up" and You Might Not Know It!

In a recent post on Facebook Shawn Bolz seems to be suggesting that God has "knocked people up" and they don't know it yet.

Of course his post links to his worthless book "Keys to Heaven's Economy," so people can figure out how to get "the fruit of our womb."

The book promotion page says, "The Lord’s audible voice filled the room, introducing the angel standing before me: “Welcome the Minister of Finance for the Kingdom.”

Does the Bible mention anything about such an angel? Of course it does not.

The only thing getting "knocked up" here is your wallet.

By the way, Bolz displays real originality with his book title/cover:

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Shawn Bolz is already notorious for this: Holy Spirit Uses a Smart Phone to Help Shawn Bolz Do a Cold Reading

Shawn Bolz is part of the New Apostolic Reformation: The New Apostolic Reformation Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Dominionism, Charismania and Deception

Bill Johnson wrote the foreword to the worthless Bolz book: The Bill Johnson Cornucopia of False Teaching, Bible-Twisting and General Absurdity

God Releases Two Witnesses from "U-Haul" Trailer

The two witnesses of Revelation 11 are named Marshall and Russell, and have been released from a U-Haul like trailer according to "Seer" Rhonda Empson.

Rhonda Empson in a recent Youtube video claimed to be a seer who is God's mouthpiece. She describes a God given dream about the releasing of the two witnesses of Revelation 11. Their names are apparently Marshall and Russell, and they've been kept hidden in a U-Haul like trailer by God.

According to Rhonda, Marshall and Russell have been released from the U-Haul by God and are now roaming  around free. A brief side note, two characters from the cartoon Paw Patrol are named Marshall and Rubble.

So it's possible that this fictional message that's for the dogs is influenced by a cartoon that has two dogs.

Does this absurd "word" from God really need further commentary?

Hillsong Website Links to Lusty Esther Houston Website

We just posted an article about the lewd photograph that was posted on "Pastor" Esther Houston's Instagram. She quickly removed that photo, but we've discovered that this is just a regular part of "Pastor" Houston's life, it seems. She did this same thing about a year ago; see Now You See Her Now You Don't. She's accustomed to posting sexy pictures of herself, and her "church" is directly supporting this activity.

Hillsong Church has a biography page for Esther Houston, and it directly links to her MISSWHOO webpage containing photos that could lead many into temptation. You've been warned.

 In case you think this woman isn't really considered a pastor, below is a screenshot of the official Hillsong website. Notice how Hillsong describes Esther as someone who is "redefining modern day misconceptions. " Hmmm...

Below is a sampling from the Miss Whoo website and Houston's clothing store website: Houston Graeff.

Here are a few screenshots from a video on Esther Houston's YouTube channel where a model is wearing a t-shirt with the "F" word clearly written across the front:

Jesus instructed us to pray not to be lead into temptation. Scripture continually calls us to run away from sexual lust. Why is Hillsong Church linking to a site that can very easily provoke those sinful passions? Why is Hillsong Church sending the clear message to young women that it's okay to use your body as a sexually alluring object? How bad do things have to get before the Hillsong empire will be exposed as not really a church at all, but as the multi-million dollar corporate entity that it actually is??

“Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world.”— 1 John 1: 15-16

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what it the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ”— Romans 12: 1-2

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”— 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5

One last thought:

       We at Pirate Christian Media are not interested in simply getting web hits to increase numbers (and thus post controversial things like this to get more views). We are very concerned that gigantic, corrupt media empires like Hillsong, need to be exposed, and the Evangelical Industrial Complex will not do it. Most of the so-called "trusted leaders" within Evangelicalism want to look the other way and pretend everything is okay.  

Posting these kinds of lewd stories is not fun for us, and we certainly don't intend to cause more people to stumble by posting questionable photographs.  But if nobody exposes these things, they will only get worse. We feel it's necessary to put this stuff in everyones's face (so to speak) in order to shake people up.

For more information about Hillsong check out: The Brian Houston & Hillsong Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Abuse, Obfuscation & Money Generation

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Hillsong (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend Hillsong, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.

Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Is it any surprise that Esther Houston is a "co-pastor" with Carl Lentz?

The Bug Spray Prophet Heals With Doom Insecticide

South African “prophet” Lethebo Rabalago of Mount Zion General Assembly sprays Doom insecticide on people coming to him for healing reports The BBC.

These people appear to have received the blessing.

Doom markets itself as fast and deadly.

Some of his followers on social media appear to support this publicity.

Some things are so over the top on the absurd scale that no further explanation is needed. This is one of those things.

The Swiss Army Knife Anointing - 5 Signs You May Have It

How do you know if you have The Swiss Army Knife anointing? Doug Addison says we'll all have The Swiss Army Knife anointing this season. (What season is he referring to? Halloween?)

Remember folks, God can't equip you, unless you believe He is equipping you. (But if you post a cheesy stock photo and make claims that don't exist in the Bible... well, you might be Doug Addison.)

What is The Swiss Army Knife anointing, you ask? How do you know if you have it? How do you know you have something that isn't even in the scripture? Below are five signs you may have it.

1. Lime green and yellow swag.

You may wake up one morning wearing lime green and yellow hipster swag. The lady above has a real neato-mosquito lime green (Or some bright shade of green...) knit hat. Your Swiss Army Knife anointing ensemble will come with a delightful yellow sweater and green hipster glasses.

2. Strong desire to be crammed into a drawer.

Maybe if you have a strong desire to be crammed into a drawer, never to be used, then you'll know you have this anointing? Because I have a Swiss Army Knife, and I never use it, it's actually crammed into a drawer.

3. Strong desire to be an unused corkscrew.

Possibly if part of your consciousness feels like a corkscrew that will never be used to open a bottle of wine, then maybe, just maybe then you'll know you have this anointing? Does anyone really use the corkscrew on a Swiss Army Knife to open a bottle of wine?

4. You fear being replaced by a discounted knockoff of yourself.

Swiss Army Knives are really pricy, and admit it, you've seen the discounted knockoff versions at your local drug store. I also own two of those, that I never use.

5. You think you're a three inch saw capable of doing major lumberjack work.

 

Like the corkscrew, is anyone really going to use the little saw to do major lumberjack work? Probably not.

And this absurd list is just as absurd as creating an anointing that isn't even listed in scripture.

Stormtrooper Crotch-thrusting at Church by the Glades!

Another "worship" spectacle that spoofs itself:

So let's take an inventory of what's going on here... We've got a "church service" that looks like a drive-in movie (with real people in real cars); a strange dance tribute to Michael Jackson, PSY, Beyonce and... Star Wars; and an opening skit with two people portraying Chewbacca and Princess Leia. What were these people thinking?? 

• Maybe Church by the Glades was trying to visibly demonstrate the total depravity of all human beings?
• Maybe somebody thought that Stormtrooper costumes would create visual and aesthetic unity for the three otherwise unrelated songs (Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough, Gangnam Style, Single Ladies-Put a Ring On It)?
• Maybe they took this idea from Britain's Got Talent?
• Or, maybe they were just trying to maintain their top position in The Museum of Idolatry?

“For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.”

— 1 Corinthians 2:2

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

— Romans 12:1-2

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”

— 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

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For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Church by the Glades (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend this kind of "worship" service, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.

Here's a very extensive documentary exposing the problems with the "Seeker-Friendly" church model: Church of Tares: Purpose Driven, Seeker Sensitive

Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

"Crossing Your Red Sea" From the MEGA Coach!

This looks like satire, but it's real:

This is a very blatant form of "narcigesis." 

Hint: It would probably be a good idea to ignore the interpretation of any Bible passage when it comes from "a business and life coach as well as a consultant in the field of human potential" who calls himself the "MEGA Coach."
 

The Gospel According to Taylor Swift

We wish this was satire, but it's not. This is real:

This church spent three Sundays analyzing and explaining the lyrics of Taylor Swift songs... so people could be pointed to the Gospel of Jesus? Do we even need to explain how ridiculous this is?

No, we don't. 

Literal "Hell on Wheels"-Your Vehicle May Be a Demon, Says "Prophetess" Rosalind

Your motorcycle may be a literal Hell's Angel says "Prophetess" Rosalind Solomon. According to her your Lexus could be Legion, your Beamer could be Belial, and well, you get the idea.

You are more than free to watch her almost hour long explanation here. Like me, you probably don't want to do that, so just for you, I've chopped it down into two easily digestible parts. Well maybe, not that easily digestible.

In the first video you will hear a lot of nonsense. The gist? 

1. Your vehicle or motorcycle may be a demon made by Satan of a dead human. 
2. Satan can even put demons in jewelry, makeup, creams, hair dye, weave hair, turkey tails, and canned goods at the 99 cent store.

Have you lost your sense of lucid equilibrium yet? I had to listen about five times just to understand her flow of thought. As far as vehicles go, demons are limited to luxury cars, mostly. 

Let's go to exhibit two. Can you handle the "truth"?

The gist? There are humanoid demons that can block the heart from receiving the gospel, so you must take measures to remove it.

Prophetess Rosalind appears to have an audience. If you take time to listen to her entire video, she mentions people who send her money for books, and she even holds conferences that people attend. You can visit her website and Youtube channel.

Why point out the over the top vain imaginations of an obscure false prophetess? Because she's an example of the ongoing need to warn people. People are sadly so easily deceived. She doesn't have the gravitas or funding of the popular false prophets, yet she has followers.

If she can so easily deceive when she lacks gravitas, imagine what someone with major money and talent behind their false ministry can do.

There is no difference between her vain imaginations and the vain imaginations coming from the popular mega-false ministries. Both are founded in the unreality of their own imaginations, and not in scripture.

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For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Rosalind Solomon (or any other so-called prophet) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend Rosalind, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.

Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

VIP Seating, Popcorn, Candy and Movies at Christ Fellowship Church

Christ Fellowship is handing out popcorn at the door, giving away VIP reserved seating, and conducting a special effects smoke & flame show with "Ironman" on stage during their official Sunday worship service. The VIP reserved seating has a mini refrigerator with drinks, hot popcorn, and candy. To potentially qualify for the VIP reserved seating you have to take a picture of yourself by a movie set at a church campus, post it to social media, and then tag the photo. Does this seem like pandering to get people to show up to you?

Is this really the type of atmosphere an official church worship service should have? This may be fine for an informal church outreach event, but this is supposed to be a gathering of the church to worship. But a big sign on stage saying "AT THE MOVIES" confesses that the focus here is on a movie. 

Below you will see the absolute distraction and mess they make of a church service...

“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.”

— 2 Timothy 4: 3-4

Repeating Blues Disco Prophetess Jerri Flake

Have you ever wondered what a prophetic, blues, disco, gospel, spoken-word, repetitive, R&B video would look like? If you have, we have found your answer! Meet "Prophetess" Jerri Flake and her husband/vocalist extraordinaire, Anthony. A large bottle of Pepto-Bismol will be supplied to anyone who can stomach watching all three of these bizarre videos.     

What’s the point of pointing this out? This is an over-the-top example of absolute absurdity being done in the name of God. God doesn’t need cheesy theatrics with disco ball special effects to get the message out-especially if it's just a bunch of repeating phrases that lack any real content.

His real message is already out-in the Bible!

Release Angel Armies!! (but first send $39.00)

NARpostle Tim Sheets tells outlandish stories that would make Mark Twain blush. Joseph Smith (the guy who founded the Mormons) could have taken lessons from this guy. Here's the carnival barker, TV host and lovable nut-job Sid Roth, attempting to make this all sound plausible enough for you to pull the trigger on spending $39 that would have been better spent on a lifetime supply of extra shoelaces:  

This whole episode is a textbook example of New Apostolic Reformation nonsense, taken to the looney bin and back again.

Here's what Tim Sheets and Sid Roth don't want you to read: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know!

The Naked Cowboy: He's a Hillsong Pastor?!

Pastor Ben Houston on stage with fellow pastor and "naked cowboy" Diego Simila

The big story last week was about the "naked cowboy" appearing at a Hillsong women's conference in New York. The "naked cowboy" (who actually has underwear/briefs on) turns out to be a Hillsong youth pastor. In case you don't know, the "naked cowboy" is a real character who walks around Times Square in New York City. So it appears that the staff at Hillsong thought it would be funny for someone to portray that guy on stage at this woman's conference. Once again, Hillsong has been caught on camera doing something questionable and inappropriate, but we're supposed to trust them and not believe what we can see with our own eyes. Dr. Michael Brown, the very respected and scholarly Charismatic leader said this:

Yes, Dr. Brown, it's accurate. Are you gonna ignore this obvious and blatant example of charismatic worldliness-you know, just like you normally do?? Here's an article from the great researchers at Church Watch Central that fills in the details of this situation: Church Watch Central

Bill Hybels Talks About Popeye (Much) More Than Jesus

In his sermon entitled "Unwavering: A Story of Obedience" Bill Hybels mentions the cartoon character Popeye dozens of times-he specifically quotes him fifteen times! He does this because God gave him a direct revelation: God told Bill Hybels to write and preach about our "Holy Discontent," which is a term he invented and repeats dozens of times throughout this sermon (which just happens to be the title of his book). Instead of using exegesis to draw the meaning out of the Bible, Hybels crams his concept of Holy Discontent into the story of Nehemiah and then uses Popeye to back up this theory. He doesn't mention Jesus at all until the end of the sermon (when he wants to inflict guilt upon his listeners). But don't worry, even though this is all conjured up in Hybels mind, he says God gave it to him. 

Listen to Todd Wilken give an amazing sermon review on this episode of Issues Etc.

"Holy Discontent" is a variation on the Purpose Driven Life; it's the idea that God didn't just die on the cross to just pay for your sins (because that isn't enough in seeker-friendly theology); God really wants you to take whatever you're most angry about and act on it. Basically, the Gospel is all about how God wants you to do stuff-lot's and lot's of stuff. According to Bill Hybels, God will look at your hands to see if they're all scarred and bloodied (like His) when we get to heaven. If you haven't done enough stuff (and your hands are nice and pretty), then God will be very disappointed with you. Get to work, Christian! Don't you wanna be like Popeye, Bono, Martin Luther-King Jr., Nelson Mandela and Bill Hybels?!

“For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.”

— 1 Corinthians 2:2

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For those of you who think it's mean and un-loving to criticize Bill Hybels (or any other popular teacher) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

How to be a "Christian Psychic!"

This is NOT a satire piece:

"How to be a Christian Psychic"

James Bond Marriage Series? Really??

Because "spies are cool," and because men might show up at church more often if they talk about James Bond and pretend to be in one of his movies, Church by the Glades has done this:

So this church service is not focused on Jesus, but is more of a "marriage enrichment" session. And if that weren't a big enough distraction from the Gospel, they have this strange obsession with the fictitious character of James Bond, who is a "really cool" womanizer/adulterer. 

“For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.”

— Romans 16: 18

Find "Inner Peace" and "Community" at... Nudist Church?

If you think that finding true "Christian community without the pretense of traditional church" and "finding inner peace" is defined by individuals apart from God's Word, then you may end up like this church (which is part of a nudist colony):

Central Virginia Nudist Church-News 12 Report

Thankfully, the TV station blurred out the actual nudity...