You Can Unlock the Supernatural from the Courts of Heaven! (For $139.00)

Got an extra $139 laying around? The Apostle Robert Henderson will grant you permission to:

Unlock the Supernatural from the Courts of Heaven!

And if you think this is gonna be just another flakey conference don't worry, this conference features some heavyweight theologians like: Patricia King, Che Ahn, Randy Clark, Mark Chironna (who is sporting a new scholarly-looking beard and a cool Bill Johnson-style shirt!) and The Apostle Robert Henderson himself.

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Here's the Apostle Robert Henderson talking about how to get rich-oops, I mean unlocking wealth... but I'll save you the 28 minutes of worthless blathering. Wanna get rich? Charge a bunch of people $139 to "unlock the supernatural from the courts of heaven!"

By the way, if this sounds like the prosperity gospel to you, don't worry about it, because Dr. Michael Brown says it's not!


"Holy Sh*t!"-It's Heidi Baker at Brownsville!

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Here's a brief (and disturbing) compilation video of Heidi Baker when she was the special guest speaker at the Brownsville Assembly of God for a conference called Awake Deborah in 2003; the original video is two hours long:

Heidi tells somebody in the noisy, confused and writhing crowd "I know it hurts, it's holy though, don't be afraid..." She also asks God to "incapacitate" people. 

As Heidi is trying to impart something to Guatemala she is overcome by convulsions and says "holy sh*t, I'll come back..."

Here's that part of the original video: 

Dr. Michael Brown is a big defender of Heidi Baker, so you can be assured that she's legitimate!

Thanks to Is Not Satire for bringing this to our attention!

The Benny Hinn vs. Todd White Sing-Off Competition and Commissioning Ceremony

2017 was a really good year for Todd White; he became a "Christian Super Star" and even received extra special treatment from Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn! In this video, we see the special sing-off competition and commissioning ceremony that took place at the Jesus Conference 2017:

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Todd White really knows how to go BIG. He went from a complete unknown just a decade ago to sharing the spotlight with the world's richest and most notorious false teachers. 

 

Here he is talking about "encountering the Holy Spirit in a Benny Hinn meeting:"

 

Here he is practically speechless in the presence of the great and mighty Kenneth Copeland just a few months ago, as the two of them raise money for Todd's gigantic $19 million facility:

Todd White and Kenneth Copeland: Prosperity Pimps (Like the Apostle Paul)

In 2015 Todd White made over $600,000 from his little "street ministry!"

Please watch this interview with Benny Hinn's nephew, Costi Hinn, who has rejected the prosperity Gospel of his wealthy and famous uncle in order to follow Jesus Christ:

 

Here's an expose on Benny Hinn from 2002:

Here's what the Apostle Paul said about preachers getting rich:

2 Corinthians 2:17  “Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.”

1 Timothy 6:5, 9-10  “...and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. (9) But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. (10) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”

1 Corinthians 5:11-13  "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of a brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler-not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those on the outside. Remove the evil person from among you."

Titus 1:7-11  “For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.”

 

Here's what Jesus said about getting rich:

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:24  “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Luke 6:20-26  And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets. But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."

 

Here's what the Apostle Peter said about preachers getting rich:

2 Peter 2:1-3  “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves. Many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned; and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.”
 

Here's what the Apostle John says about getting rich:

1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. And this world is fading away, along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

Here's Todd White's $1 million mansion:

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SYNERGIZE: The Ox and Eagle Anointings Collide! LeStrange and LeClaire Spoof Themselves

This really sounds like something made up as a satire post... but it's real. It would be fun to somehow make this more ridiculous, but we can't figure out a way to do that. It might be worth noting that Ryan LeStrange has recently adopted his new "Do These Make Me Look Smarter?" eyeglasses, so maybe he's received new revelatory powers as a result.

They are actually SELLING tickets to this festival of idiocy:

Thanks to Is Not Satire for the scoop on this unbelievably stupid event!

The Prophet Bob Jones: "A Three Foot Tall Being Rang My Doorbell"

In this video interview, it only took about two minutes for the late "prophet" Bob Jones to prove himself to be a delusional nutcase on the order of cult leader Joseph Smith. Amazingly, Bob Jones is at the very heart and center of the New Apostolic Reformation; his "prophetic words" are responsible for establishing many of the major ministries associated with the NAR.

"Throw An Infant Against the Wall and Kick It Like a Football" On Sid Roth's Show

The horrifying "stories" of Smith Wigglesworth need to be re-enacted, according to Sid Roth. Here's an edited version of this recent "It's Supernatural" broadcast:

If you're a glutton for punishment, here's the entire show:

Although this teaching on Sid Roth's show sounds insane and extremely dangerous, it appears that Dr. Michael Brown approves.

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Here's an important article about Smith Wigglesworth: "If You Can't Heal 'Em, Beat 'Em?"

Smith Wigglesworth was the inspiration for false teacher and proven fraud, Todd Bentley, among others. This bizarre teaching resulted in The Charismatic Day of Infamy.  

NAR Publisher Larry Sparks: "We Need to Be 'Weird' Again"

Yeah Larry, that's the problem with the New Apostolic Reformation: It needs to get weird again.

This is an article claiming that the Holy Spirit wants to do something, but He can't. He's waiting for enough people to accept weirdness as a true sign of His working. As long as Christians are hesitant to embrace weird (and unbiblical) manifestations the Holy Spirit has no choice but to withdraw His presence. According to Larry Sparks, there are only two choices: either stale, dry, dead religion OR a true revival that is intrinsically weird. He says this: "Every time God moved in Scripture or recent history, His movement—by and large—was accompanied by weird phenomena."

Come on people! I wanna see you squirming around on the floor and flopping like fish! Or you could at least laugh hysterically like drunken fools. Show me that you really mean business by behaving insane, or I’m going to take my toys and go home!
— Things the Holy Spirit Never Said
Randy Clark Making a Lady Scream in Pain by "Anointing" her

Randy Clark Making a Lady Scream in Pain by "Anointing" her

Destiny House Publishing is a New Apostolic Reformation book publisher that publishes Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, Danny Silk, T. D. Jakes, Myles Munroe, Sid Roth, Doug Addison, Chuck Pierce, Heidi Baker, James Goll, John Crowder, John & Carol Arnott, Rick Joyner, Patricia King, Todd Bentley, Shawn Bolz, Randy Clark... and DR. MICHAEL BROWN (but don't worry, he's not a part of the NAR).

Here's a brand new Destiny House book that features Bill Johnson, Lou Engle, James Goll and... DR. MICHAEL BROWN:

But don't worry, Dr. Michael Brown is not a part of the New Apostolic Reformation.

Coming To Church Will Improve Viking's Chances of Winning the Super Bowl

Is your church having trouble attracting potential customers? No problemo! All you have to do to attract more people is tell them that their favorite sports team will have a better chance of winning The Big Game if they show up to pray. What could possibly go wrong with this church growth strategy?

Case and Point: This promo video from New Life Church Souix Falls

You'll notice that the video is intended to be funny, however there is some REALLY bad theology mixed in with it.

The Problem is Religion Has Told Us We're Sinners Saved by Grace

Tavner Smith of Venue "Church" believes that the reason that Christians don't experience their best lives now is because they believe the lie that religion told them that they're sinners saved by grace. The weird thing is that The Apostle Paul, as he was preparing to leave this life and be martyred for his faith in Christ wrote:

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:15–16)

 

God Needs Your Sweet Talk Lovin’ – T.D. Jakes

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God apparently needs your sweet lovin’. According to T.D. Jakes, God is a bit emotionally needy, and he may be holding back answers to prayer because you haven’t given him the amount of lovin’ he needs to hear.

On January 19, 2018 T.D. Jakes made a Facebook post promising breakthrough and answer to prayer if people simply opened their mouth and told God how much he means to them. He says God needs to hear how much he means to us.

Good Morning

The breakthrough doesn’t come through the word, it comes through the worship! The greatest way to gain your breakthrough is through opening your mouth and telling God how much He means to you. Love has to express itself, and to the best way to show it is to worship Him in spirit and in truth ( John 4:24). Just like you would tell someone who is close to you, God needs to hear it as well. He is a passionate God. Whatever He feels, He feels passionately. He knows what you are enduring. He gave his body to His bride, all He asks in return is your worship. Worship brings relationship with God and as you draw closer to Him, He will reveal more of Himself to you.
— T.D. Jakes

He is portraying an idolatrous image of God. God isn’t emotionally needy. He doesn’t need to hear how great he is, and God isn’t giving out goodies in exchange for some flattery.

The God of T.D. Jakes is part God and part emotionally needy lover. God doesn’t need anything. Portraying God as anything less than the self-sufficient God that he is, is to portray a false image of God.

33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”

36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
— Romans 11:33-36 (ESV)
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Cindy Jacobs Explains Her Psychic Ability as "Spiritual Reading"

If you want to give people Encountersyou should listen to these fortune-telling techniques developed by Cindy Jacobs. She calls her psychic/prophetic readings "spiritual readings" and she gives this sage advice: "Don't try to go for theology, don't try to go for all this other stuff, go for the soul of the person." This is the Encounter Gospel! At about 8:30 into this video you'll hear Cindy explaining how to do a "cold reading," too.

There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.
— Romans 3:11

 

Do NOT doubt this prophetess! This is the woman who brought much clarity into the church last year when she revealed this new "Word from God:"

Cindy Jacobs Reveals Powerful One-Word Prophecy: "BASTA!!"

Here are many episodes of Fighting for the Faith that examine the teaching of Cindy Jacobs: Cindy Jacobs on Fighting for the Faith


Shawn Bolz Tells Sid Roth: "The Angel of Finance Gave Me His Keys!"

Shawn Bolz ("The Smartphone Prophet") was on Sid Roth's TV show (this was years ago) and told this story about getting really important keys from the Angel of Finance:

I knew that these were keys to resources that Jesus Himself needed in this generation to unlock for Him so He can get the souls that these things would win.
— Shawn Bolz

Lucky for everyone on planet earth, this heavenly visitation was recorded in a book that Bolz is selling (with a foreword from the NARpostle Bill Johnson!):

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Here's another video from when Shawn was promoting his book; notice how the details of his story are different this time:

Shawn Bolz has moved on from this "angelic visitation" shtick to his latest role as the "Seer" who does cold readings but sometimes needs a lifeline as he mimics the Long Island Medium and uses his smartphone to hear from God...

Paula White Blathers on for Almost Seven Minutes; Basically Wants More Money

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Scholars of the Old and New Testament are currently debating the exact content of this important new video from Paula White-Cain, but the current consensus is that she wants people to send her a LOT of money. This would appear to comply with every other time she has had anything to say. Paula has a clever name for this "you should send me money" theology: First Fruits.

Although some may describe this as a sickening and deplorable money grab, it's important to remember that she promises to send donors of $50 or more some useless books about something or other. 

Here's the video:


Here's what the Apostle Paul said about preachers getting rich:

2 Corinthians 2:17  “Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.”

1 Timothy 6:5, 9-10  “...and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. (9) But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. (10) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”

1 Corinthians 5:11-13  "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of a brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler-not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those on the outside. Remove the evil person from among you."

Titus 1:7-11  “For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.”

 

Here's what Jesus said about getting rich:

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:24  “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Luke 6:20-26  And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets. But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."

 

Here's what the Apostle Peter says about preachers getting rich:

2 Peter 2:1-3  “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves. Many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned; and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.”
 

Here's what the Apostle John says about getting rich:

1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. And this world is fading away, along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."