We all know how important it is to have massive encounters with God, right? Well, now it can be fun, too! Introducing the brand new board game from Bethel Church in Redding, California: "The Bethel Board!" (And it's just in time for Christmas!)
Since the prophet Kris Vallotton decided that "Christian Tarot Cards" were okay (as long as we call them "Destiny Cards") we are now free to welcome any Occult, New Age, or fortunetelling practices into the church and into our living rooms! Imagine all the fun you'll have as you get direct downloads from the Third Heaven! With this spiritual-but-not-religious new board game, you'll be just like Bill Johnson himself (and without his vacuous, rambling and incoherent speeches to spoil all the fun).
And don't keep all the fun to yourself, invite your pagan friends over to play the game so they can get a "reading" on their "destiny!" They'll never know you're a Christian! What a great way to reach the lost with the message of Destiny, Presence Therapy, Dream Interpretation and Relationship Alignment.
For all of you narrow-minded people who think this is just a re-packaged Ouija board, you have nothing to fear because this game draws from the same divine energy of the Christ spirit, as ancient followers did and it operates only out of the third heaven realm to gain insight and revelation. Don't worry, Bethel Board encounters coming from the third heaven realm bring lasting life transformation and guidance!
So pick up this supernaturally exciting new game at your local Christian Bookstore today!
This whole article is fake-it's a satire piece.
But the language all comes from Christalignment.org and they are serious about going undercover so they can use Destiny Card readings to tell people their "Destiny" (and not preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Here are some examples from the Christalignment website:
Christalignment and Bethel Church teach the same thing. Please, read more about this important topic:
Read about witches getting positive "prophetic words" at Bethel Church: Bethel Church Tells Witch that She's "On the Right Path" and "God is So Proud of Her!"