Huge Gold Angel (Not) Seen at Azusa Now

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This is NOT a satire piece (Why Mr. Jansen didn't take out his cell phone and snap a few photos is not explained in this article):

"Jeff Jansen Sees Huge Gold Angel at Azusa Now-Charisma News"

But most importantly, "something highly significant has shifted," says Jansen. You know, just like every other time they have a meeting, conference or "revival." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are some Facebook screen shots from a few years ago that display Jeff Jansen's narcissistic  theology:

Super Soaker "Baptism"

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We'd like to "thank" Godz Gang for this awful example of treating the holy in a profane manner. Of course, all of this is being done in the name of being relevant and supposedly meeting the youth where they are at. The truly tragic part is that if you pay careful attention the kid being baptized wasn't actually baptized, he was only drenched by super soakers.

"I Like Big Buts" Easter Promo Video

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Relevant Church has made this little video to promote their Easter services; it does briefly contain some actual Bible verses, but it seems the truth of the Gospel isn't good enough, so they had to make reference to a cheesy and offensive song... after all, this is Relevant Church.

James Bond Marriage Series? Really??

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Because "spies are cool," and because men might show up at church more often if they talk about James Bond and pretend to be in one of his movies, Church by the Glades has done this:

So this church service is not focused on Jesus, but is more of a "marriage enrichment" session. And if that weren't a big enough distraction from the Gospel, they have this strange obsession with the fictitious character of James Bond, who is a "really cool" womanizer/adulterer. 

“For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.”
— Romans 16: 18

Rick Joyner: "Jesus Chose Leaders Like Donald Trump"

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Remember in the Bible where it says: "Jesus was a tough character?" Well, it's not actually in the Bible, but Rick Joyner says so. Jim Bakker and Rick Joyner are trying to make the point that Jesus picked "tough guy" sailors to be his disciples (like Donald Trump), and Jesus was tougher than all of them (like Donald Trump). Short clip from the Jim Bakker TV Show:

Find "Inner Peace" and "Community" at... Nudist Church?

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If you think that finding true "Christian community without the pretense of traditional church" and "finding inner peace" is defined by individuals apart from God's Word, then you may end up like this church (which is part of a nudist colony):

Thankfully, the TV station blurred out the actual nudity...

Chuck Pierce Speaking Directly for God-Add This To Your Bible

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Here's an exact transcription of the "prophecy" from Glory of Zion (from the March 2, 2016 episode of Fighting for the Faith):

(Starts with nonsensical speaking, which will then be interpreted)...

Prophet Keith (interpreting the nonsensical speaking): "And the Lord would say to you today, awaken oh dry bones, oh bones that have laid and have laid in the dust today is the day that new breath and yes, my breath is coming over you, so awaken dry bones, awaken. Arise, arise and dance, because your purpose is before you, so when you awaken go forward, go forward, go forward, because a triumph... a triumphant cry is awaiting when you awaken."

Prophet Chuck (stepping in to show how it's done): "I saw a picture it was like what Keith just prophesied, all of a sudden I saw God start re-pulling you together and bringing you up to a top of a plateau, and then He said now you're gonna go down a long slide, and when you get back down to that hard place you were in, it's gonna manifest as a garden like you've never b-seen before. I saw watch this week as you hit your slide and where you thought you'd been scattered in past seasons, you'll find you'll be pickin' fruit in this season. And I will say to you this will be a month the trees begin to shake, and when the wind blows if you'll step out into the wind, you'll hear where you need to go, for I'm gonna be sending my people out this way and that way, and in the midst of the wind blowing new strategies to increase I will be blowing in. And every way you increased in the past, I say make a list of it and then, hear me blow you in to a multiplication to increase in the future. And I say what I've done in you if you will review then I will give you a vision of how I'm going to use you with others in days ahead. I say you are at the brink of multiply, do not back up, lists and review and then see where I would have you go. For this has been a season of repositioning and in my repositioning I have even left some where they are that they so they can increase in new ways, I say see your position now for now you will move out to the right and the left and increase will come. I healed you so that others could be healed, I broke through you so that you could breakthrough others, I say I caused you to be delivered, so many could be delivered, I say to you, this is your beginning of moving out. And I say use that which had you bound as a whip on the enemy. I say if you'll look back and see how the enemy had you bound you will break and cause the increase of many to come, I say I want healing in my body, but I want my body to prosper again. And I say to you a portal is forming over you, one that you have never seen before, I say run under and watch me pour down upon you for you are just beginning to receive and I say to you don't interpret your future from your past but allow your past to come under the portal of your future and I will pour over you that identity that you need to step into." 

New Prophet: "For the Lord says that I am redefining your sense so you will see how to move and operate in the portal that is coming down, and he says I am redefining your sense in the watch he says do not shut your eyes in the hour of watch he says be ready for me as I begin to move in the watch."

Back to Prophet Chuck: "The Lord says to you this is the beginning that I am going to reveal my glory and how my glory will move out I'm gonna show you how to advance, I'm gonna show you how to move, for Oklahoma I have chosen to unlock, and in unlocking Oklahoma I will unlock this entire nation, for my first people are dwelling in that place and DNA for the nation exists there, so from the east I will begin to manifest my spirit in a new way sayeth the Lord."  

 

Please add this to the Bible. Chuck Pierce assures us that he speaks directly on behalf of God. Do NOT question the Messenger.

This "Prophet" Will Read Tattoo So People Can Find Their Destiny

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Here's an article from the "Tattoo Prophet, Dream Interpreter, Life Coach" Doug Addison: Tattoo Prophet Doug Addison

Besides the ridiculous idea of reading people's tattoos like a cheap fortune teller, there's the underlying theology of this man: it's the same as most of the Signs and Wonders people he's associated with. There is no mention of sinners who need to be saved-only people who need to be loved; and the best way to love them is to tell them about themselves and their destiny. This is ear-tickling, plain and simple. He almost never even mentions the name "Jesus." It seems that his god is a wish granting genie, more than the sovereign Lord of the Universe (although I'm sure he claims to believe in the sovereign Lord of the Universe).

 Doug (who claims to be a "prophetic forerunner") says: "Helping people find their destiny and life purpose is one of the most helpful and powerful things we can do for them. Over the next 5-10 years destiny-based outreach will become more and more prevalent. It encompasses all aspects of what a person needs to move forward. This includes, but is not limited to healing, dream interpretation, prophecy, spirit-filled life coaching, and explaining the supernatural in practical ways."

Hey Doug, how about if you please tell them about Jesus Christ-the Savior who died on the cross to pay the penalty for people's sins so they could have eternal life? Oh, that's right, this is a new type of anti-religion outreach you're doing. On his Core Values page, Doug says: "Some have presented the message of Jesus negatively, so one of our assignments from God is to be change agents. In a world that desperately needs hope, we do everything in our power to extend love and encouragement." 

While it's (painfully) true that too many people have presented Jesus in a negative way, this teaching goes way to the other extreme. It's actually loving to tell people about their condition of sinfulness and how Christ died as the atonement-that's not being negative, it's a vital part of the process of pointing them to the Savior. Doug has seminars called "Detoxing from Toxic Christianity" where he teaches this newer, totally positive version of Christianity. He comes across like a really caring man who means well, but his teaching appears to be devoid of the Gospel of Jesus Christ (or it's buried very deep in Dream Destiny Dog Do).

“For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: Do not let your prophets and your diviners who are among you deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams that they dream, for it is a lie that they are prophesying in my name; I did not send them, declares the LORD.”
— Jeremiah 29: 8-9

Here's a more extensive examination of Doug Addison's tattoo reading ministry from Let Us Reason Ministries: When Psychology Meets Psychic


For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Doug Addison (or any other popular teacher) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Heidi Baker: "I Wanna Live an Oily Life!"

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Heidi Baker profundities from the 2015 Woman on the Frontlines World Convention:

"We're living a life... an oily life... an oily life. I wanna call this an oily life. I wanna live an oily life, full of oil. Where do you get that oil? In the secret place. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy, intimacy, intimacy! You can't strive for it, you just have to yield to it. He's a lover; when you know who he is, then your life changes. God has called us to be the oily ones! And when you're oily, you're full of the glory, full of the holy spirit, there's a fearlessness that comes over you... If you would focus your affections on the one who is the one, you would live in this fearlessness that would take you from a place of crazy terror to reckless devotion." 

Note the moment where the camera shows Patricia King in the audience smiling (at 1:06). Patricia King (thinking to herself): "Yeeeeah... an oily life... that's good! I'm gonna use that!"

From Heidi's entire speech (which was probably pretty long), this is the portion that GOD TV thought was best to make into a short excerpt to feature on their YouTube channel. Hmmm...

“For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.”
— Titus 1: 7-11



For those of you who think it's mean and un-loving to criticize Heidi Baker (or any other popular teacher) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

"In Jesus Name, The Bar is Open!!" -Patricia King

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According to Patricia King, there are many barrels of wine in heaven. How does she know this? Because she's been there. "Wooooooo! There was barrel after barrel after barrel after barrel after barrel of wine!"

In the following video, the "prophet" Patricia King mangles God's Word and tells this audience that they can all get drunk the right way-God's way. After three and a half minutes of nonsense, she really gets to the main point of her message:

"In Jesus name the bar is open! The wine cellar is open, just come on in and drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink as much as you want! Because we can live in the house of wine! You know what, that banqueting table scripture in the Song of Solomon? That's a house of wine! Come on!"

“Do not get drunk on wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
— Ephesians 5:18

Patricia King is associated with The New Apostolic Reformation. Her "prophetic word" was used as the focal point for a sermon at Bethel Church recently (instead of the Bible); Chris Rosebrough talked about it on a recent episode of Fighting for the Faith.

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Patricia King (or any other popular teacher) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Heidi Baker's Demonic Impartations at Bethel Church

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Screaming like your getting your eyes gouged out, writhing around like your body is in flames... This is what can happen when the "prophetess" Heidi Baker lays hands on you. Listen to this guy screaming his lungs out as Heidi Baker tries to act like everything is under control:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
— 1 John 4:1

Could there possibly be a more clear example of a false teacher or prophet? She lays her hand on his head to impart something and says "Wooooooo" and he goes down on the floor shaking and screaming in pain. Just to make sure you know that she was really trying to drive something into him, a minute later she says: "I think he's got it" as he continues in agony. Any questions? This is so crystal clear and straightforward in showing a demonic impartation. At best, it was a mentally disturbed kid who got triggered by Baker and then went into an act of some sort, but he looked perfectly fine until she gave him something. She uses her Bible as a prop-she never actually reads it; instead she says meaningless phrases over and over again. "Ten Times;" "Legacy;" "Giving away;" "Try it again!" and "Moooore Looooord" are non-Christian mantras-no matter how many times you repeat them. A real Christian pastor would have said, "In the name of Jesus I command the demons to leave!" But the name of Jesus wasn't even mentioned. 

From the same person who made that video, there's this  VIDEO of Heidi Baker using the term "gods" when she should saying "god." How could she "accidentally" get the plurality wrong? 

Heidi Baker and the NAR (New Apostolic Reformation) "Super Apostles" don't want you to know about their involvement in the Charismatic Day of Infamy.

For those of you who think it's mean and un-loving to criticize Heidi Baker (or any other popular teacher) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

"Mommy, Why Is Jesus in the Museum of Idolatry?"

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Here's a story and video about a guy who says he's Jesus. Really. This was just begging to get posted here at the Museum:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xiaz4q_jesus-is-back-at-least-in-brazil_news

Don't worry folks, this nut case is in Brazil. At least here in the States our narcissist pastors show a little more subtlety than this guy... 

Note the use of pop music to attract converts... hmm, I wonder if that works?

 But, hey, you have to admit, he's got great hair, a convincing beard and a really nice costume!

I Refuse to Believe Bob Jones-I'm Staying Home

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Watch this short video of the late Bob Jones (NOT the Bob Jones University guy) and listen to how much weird and creepy teaching he can squeeze into just a few minutes:

Here's another occasion (in 2009) where he repeated this same false prophecy:

 

Bob Jones is considered to have been a very great prophet by everyone in the Signs and Wonders/Charismatic/IHOP/New Apostolic Reformation crowd. According to the NAR leaders, whatever he has predicted will come true! It has to come true. He's pretty much uncontested as an amazing prophet and man of God. But in this video he is talking about the "great revival" that was (at the time) going on in Lakeland, Florida, with Todd Bentley. This is before the Charismatic Day of Infamy took place. Bob Jones was TOTALLY wrong about the buffoon and scoundrel, Todd Bentley-just like every other leader who was on GodTV praising Bentley as a great healer and revivalist for a brief time in 2008. 

Bob Jones was supposed to have been the BEST prophet on planet earth-seriously, he's like a modern day Father Abraham to these people. But everything he says in this video is twisted and wrong. Being interviewed by Rick Joyner, he says that God and the angels have their hands cuffed, and it's up to us to speak things into existence because God gave us all power to unloosen them so they can go and create. This is blasphemy 101! God told him to lay hands on the pine tree that was growing out of John G. Lake's grave. And when he did this his arm caught on fire. Nice. He says that the 1950's revealed the power of God as he lists his favorite (false) teachers of that decade-starting with William Branham. (By the way, doesn't Jesus reveal the power of God? Jones doesn't mention Jesus too much...) He also claims Oral Roberts was another great man of God from the 1950's-this is the guy who invented the "seed-faith" trick that has enriched prosperity preachers all over the world, and has ruined the faith and finances of untold millions of people ever since. He says that the 1970's was the time when we finally learned the truth of the Bible. And he says that the 2000's will be a time of supernatural signs and wonders that will reveal the glory of God... how'd that work out??

Here's the really crazy thing about Bob Jones the "prophet" who seems more like a wacky uncle sipping Jack Daniels from a bottle tucked in his coat pocket than a great and important Man of God:

All of the people who are trying so hard to stir up a revival, are absolutely certain that a billion-soul revival is just around the corner. Why are they so sure of a "billion soul revival" (often called the Third Wave)? Because Bob Jones said it was going to happen. Never mind that the Bible warns us to beware of false teachers who produce great signs and wonders, and to expect a great falling away; we're supposed to skip the Bible and just listen to Bob Jones now. 

Bob Jones wasn't a good enough prophet to figure out that Todd Bentley was a third-rate hustler and fraud, but we all need to abandon everything and go to yet another "Revival of Desperation That Will Really Change The World This Time" because Bob Jones said so. Jones couldn't figure out that William Branham was a cult leader and false prophet, but we're just supposed to trust his billion-soul "prophecy" now. We're being told we have to go so we can make God finally do the thing that He's been wanting to do for decades now, if we're hungry enough... and sold-out enough... and if we sing songs along with the celebrity worship teams until we wear out our vocal chords as proof of our desperation, sincerity and conformity to Evangelical norms enough, as we hold our hands up high and close our eyes just like EVERY. SINGLE. PROMOTIONAL. PHOTOGRAPH tells us to.

I'm staying home.

I not only refuse to believe these false prophets, heretics and professional revivalists, I refuse to feel guilty for not charging up my credit card to take another trip to the "Best Conference Ever"  because they told me I have to go and prove my love for Jesus by showing up.

I will stay home and happily be a part of God's Church. I will partake of the Sacraments. I will study God's Word. I will gladly share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with as many people as I can. I will be faithful with what God has actually called me to do. 

I don't care if ninety million people march together with their arms linked to "Together 2016."

 

I don't care how many people buy into Lou Engle's  "Azusa Now: The Call" (Note the girl correctly holding up her hands and closing her eyes, just like she's supposed to)

 I don't care how many Christian super-star celebrities promise to show up and give speeches and sing songs... and sell stuff... lots of stuff.

I refuse to be manipulated by people like Lou Engle who, like Bob Jones, claims to speak directly for God. I refuse to be manipulated by expensive promotional videos that make great claims to speak on behalf of God, but can't deliver what they promise. God is not speaking through people who habitually violate His Word, and we are under no obligation to listen to them.

There. Don't you feel better now? 

“You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”
— 2 Peter 3:17-18

 

Remember, the New Apostolic Reformation folks are hoping nobody remembers The Charismatic Day of Infamy.

For those of you who think it's mean and un-loving to criticize Bob Jones, Lou Engle (or any other popular teacher) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Bethel Redding Fire Tunnel with Puppets

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What could be more holy than a Holy Spirit fire tunnel? How about a Holy Spirit fire tunnel with puppets!!

One thing is certain, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the real Holy Spirit!

Yes, you too can buy your very own Vintz The Puppet, from Seth Dahl (seen in the video) for $100.00! This is no ordinary puppet-this puppet "releases heaven into earth." Read more about this crazy scheme from Tony Miano: Bethel Wants Your Children

 

Bethel Church is associated with The New Apostolic Reformation.

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Bethel Church's pastors (or any other popular teachers) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Nine Foot Tall Revival Angel Appears to Patricia King

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Patricia King, the spinner of tall tales and doctrinal confusion is at it again.  This video doesn't need any commentary. If you believe this claim of hers then we'd like to sell you a bridge in Brooklyn.

 

Patricia King is associated with The New Apostolic Reformation.

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Patricia King (or any other popular teacher) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

"Step Into the Healing Flow and Receive God's Will for Your Life!" Jennifer LeClaire

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Here is a screen shot from Jennifer LeClaire's Facebook page today:

Is it really "a John 5:4 season in the body of Christ" as she says?

Well, John 5:4 is the just about the WORST verse in the whole New Testament to be "proclaimed" or "declared" or "decreed."  Some translations of the Bible (The NIV and ESV, for example) don't even have this verse-they just go from John 5:3 right to John 5:5! Why? Because this is the story of the angel stirring up the pool water that would cause people to get healed, and many experts believe this was inserted into the Bible later. Many reliable and early manuscripts don't contain this story. The real purpose of this passage is to show that Jesus is God (not that Jesus is your personal genie-in-a-bottle). He's the God who can (really) heal people, and we are not to trust in a pool that's been stirred up by an angel-or any other superstition. 

Jennifer LeClaire saying: "it's a John 5:4 season in the body of Christ!" is kinda like saying: "it's a stirred up pool season in the body of Christ!" 

By the way, less than a day earlier she declared it was witchcraft season:

 

How many people who "declare" that "they have their healing" by the "power of their confession" will remain sick and even die? How many will have been distracted from the true power of the Gospel? How many will have fervently tried to "step into the healing flow" without receiving anything? When LeClaire says that you can step into the healing flow and receive God's will for your life, she's saying that it IS God's will for you to be healed. Anyone who doesn't get healed is, in this very faulty way of thinking,  outside of God's will. It's your fault-you didn't declare it enough. You didn't believe it enough. You didn't order the DVDs and books enough. You didn't go to the conferences enough. You didn't do something... enough. 

The true power of the Gospel is to forgive sins and defeat death! That's greater than any temporary healing.

Here's something we can say with complete confidence:

“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”
— Mathew 6: 9-13

Here's a much better, Biblical perspective on healing from Joni Eareckson Tada:

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Jennifer LeClaire (or any other popular teacher) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Redeeming Sex or Confusing Everyone About Sex?

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Watch this confusing video of Deb Hirsch talking about her book (from Christian publisher InterVarsity) called "Redeeming Sex" and see if it makes any sense to you:

Okay, now that you've watched this, can you figure out what she's actually talking about? Based on the confusing things she said while promoting her book, maybe she will need to write another book to explain what this one is about.

Hirsch says, "One of the first things the church needs to do, and realize, is that every human (doesn't matter what age you are)... male/female, gay/straight, no matter who you are... we are profoundly sexual beings." She continues, "My definition of sexuality is really about our need to know and be known, to love and be loved, our longing for intimacy and be connected with the other." That's an incredibly vague definition, but things really go downhill from there...

She talks about our "social sexuality-not just the act of sex... there are multiple ways we love God and give our worship to Him, just as there are multiple ways we can love others, and that's the expression of our sexuality... rather than limiting it to one aspect of who we are. But it's very hard to engage in the depth of relationship that, I think, God has for us, unless we broaden our understanding of sexuality." Huh? So sexuality, as we've always understood it, is too narrow a definition, and once we fundamentally change the meaning of it (or "broaden our understanding") we'll really have it figured out? How about if we look to God's Word for the correct definition of who we are and what "sexuality" is? 

Hirsch says a bunch of other confusing things about needing to "have a conversation" in "our communities" that requires "vulnerability" but then gets to this: 

"I fear that our boundaries and our fear is actually stopping us from being the people that God has called us to be."

It's hard to know what "boundaries" and "fears" she's talking about, but if we look around at the world of modern Evangelicalism, we see a sex-obsessed, divorce-loving, marriage-destroying, pornographic train wreck of a sub-culture.

Maybe a "lack of boundaries" isn't the problem?

 

HERE is a thorough (and thoughtful) review of this book.