Jennifer LeClaire Borrows the "Creeper" from Scooby Doo!!

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Here's the latest "prophetic word" from Jennifer "Sneaky Squid" LeClaire; she's the Senior Editor at Charisma Magazine. Remember, Dr. Michael Brown approves of this unbiblical (and ridiculous) teaching:

“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?”

— Jeremiah 5: 30-31

“And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ when the Lord has not spoken.”

— Ezekiel 22: 28

“Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity
to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.”

— Lamentations 2: 14

Todd White Can Sovereignly and Irresistibly Elect People to Salvation?

Todd White may have granted himself and fellow believers abilities that most in his theological camp wouldn’t even grant God. In the video below he asserts that he can claim someone’s salvation and there is no way they can get out of it.

This is really interesting and contradictory because most people in his theological camp tend to be against protestant reformation-era views concerning monergism and God’s part in election and salvation. Most in his theological camp would not grant God the power to do the very thing Todd White just claimed was within his ability.

By default Todd White may be granting himself power that he wouldn’t grant to God.

You can listen to the entire interview below.

 

Read more about this false teacher:

Todd White- How to Read Your(self into the) Bible

Check out these articles about Todd White: Todd White Flips the Gospel Upside Down

Todd White Flees Rebuke of Woman, Threatens to Call Police

Todd White is part of the New Apostolic Reformation: The New Apostolic Reformation Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Dominionism, Charismania and Deception

 

Here's a whole group of false teachers to mark and avoid:

Depraved Copeland Sets Satanic Snare for Christians

According to scripture Kenneth Copeland has a depraved mind, and sets snares for the destruction of Christians because he teaches that godliness is a means of gain.

Eagle Mountain Church posted this quote from Kenneth Copeland to their Facebook page.

“You get spiritually rich, you’ll get financially rich!”

Scripture warns us about people like Kenneth Copeland. He’s described as setting a snare for Christians that can lead to ruin and destruction. Such teaching is described as coming from a depraved mind, thinking that godliness is a means of gain. Scripture tells us godliness with contentment is great gain.

If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain. But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.
— 1 Timothy 6: 3-10

Copeland’s appeal to the desires of the flesh sets a snare for the soul. We must run away from these snares. Copeland and those like him erect frivolous idols in our hearts. Those teaching and following this doctrine must call upon God and ask to be granted repentance.

Kenneth Copeland is the false teacher of false teachers. If there was a "Hall of Fame" for filthy rich godless charlatans, he would get the best spot. Yet, there are many today who still consider him a true Christian minister. Take a look at this "conference of heretics" and be sure to mark and avoid every person listed:

Jim Bakker End of the World Food Bucket Bee Gees Video

So this happened recently on the Jim Bakker Show (with Dr. Michael Brown endorsed Jennifer "Sneaky Squid" LeClaire sitting in on the show); watch Jim Bakker soberly warn his audience about the impending End of The World... directly followed by an upbeat (and totally bizarre) cover of the Bee Gees song "Staying Alive." You really can't make this stuff up... 

 

Jennifer "Sneaky Squid" LeClaire watches in utter confusion as the song begins; notice her refusal to join the clapping. Perhaps the Sneaky Squid Spirit is at work here?

 

Todd Bentley Commissions The "Apostolic Puppet Lady!!"

Todd Bentley has done it again! Just when you thought he was all washed up he finally shows himself to be a bonified and authentic Man of God! Sure, after his fraudulent claims of raising the dead, his drunken & adulterous behavior on the Charismatic Day of Infamy and his inability to maintain a consistent hair/tattoo/beard/clothing combination, many people thought he was just a pathetic, yet fairly dangerous false-teaching swindler. But now we have REAL proof of his supernatural & prophetic ability! He can commission and produce Apostolic Puppet People!! Look at the wonderful results at the East Texas Glory Revival (the Facebook post & video has been removed since we posted this article)...

 

Of course, this exciting new "move of God" first made an appearance in the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang:"

 

But the movement had also gained momentum during the years of the Muppet Show: 

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Todd Bentley is part of the strange & gigantic movement loosely known as the New Apostolic Reformation. Read more about it here:  

The New Apostolic Reformation Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Dominionism, Charismania and Deception

Don't Be Confused by the Crab and the Bears... (or Charisma Magazine's "Astrology")

The following is an unedited article written by Ron Allen of the International Star Bible Society. It's from the Dr. Michael Brown Approved "Christian" website: Charisma Magazine:

 

 

"On July 21 the Sun enters the constellation Cancer (The Holding Place).

Cancer is the eleventh chapter of the Star Bible, and it is a picture of our eternal home with God, commonly called heaven. The modern name of Cancer, a Greek word meaning "crab", clouds the original meaning. It is a mistranslation of the Arabic name "khan", meaning "inn", and "cer," meaning "encircling", picturing a fortified home for travelers. Two other stars add to this understanding, Acubene (the sheltering place) and Tegmine (holding). There is also a faint star cluster known as Praesope (the multitude) reminding us of the multitudes of believers who will be gathered in heaven.

Two other constellations associated with Cancer also suffer from linguistic confusion, Ursa Minor and Ursa Major, the little and big "Bears," also popularly known as the Little and Big Dippers. The Hebrew word for bear, "dohv", was substituted by the Greeks for the actual name "dohven", meaning "sheepfold." Thus, the "bears" are actually the greater and lesser "sheepfolds." Ursa Major is also called "the assembled together" in Hebrew, and the word "assembled" is a linguistic cognate with the Greek word from which we got our word "church".

Ursa Minor (the lesser sheepfold) represents the holding place for the sheep, or believers, who lived before Jesus came. This understanding comes from the star named Kochab which means "waiting on Him who comes," as those Hebrew and other believers had to look forward for the Messiah.

Ursa Major (the greater sheepfold), represents those believers who came after Jesus, the church. The star named Dubheh Lachar, "the latter herd", points to this meaning. And, in addition, the name of the star at the end of the handle of the Dipper, alkaid, also means "assembly", the very name of the church in Greek.

Cancer was the sign of the summer season from the time of the Exodus to the advent of Christ, covering the age of Israel. It was replaced, as the precession of the equinoxes moved sign of the summer season, by Gemini (the united) which covers the time between the advent and the Second Coming of Christ, and was a sign in the sun, moon and stars of the Advent of Christ. Ursa Minor (the lesser sheepfold) in Cancer continues as sign in the sun, moon and stars of the Second Coming of Christ, as the precession of the equinoxes will move Polaris (the turned upon) directly over the North Pole in 2102 AD, signaling Christ's dominance over the high point of heaven.

Cancer is, of course, obscured from view now because it is hidden behind the Sun's glare. However, the Greater and Lesser Sheepfolds dominate the northern sky and are always visible. The Lesser Sheepfold, Ursa Minor, is easy to find because it contains the Pole Star Polaris. The Greater Sheepfold, a.k.a. the Big Dipper, will be in the Northwestern sky during the evening hours.

Don't be confused by the Crab and the Bears. Your home in Heaven is pictured in the stars." 

(Ron Allen's book)

(Ron Allen's book)

The Bible That Oozes Oil- "It's The Very Presence of God!"

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This is a Bible that keeps oozing out lots of oil and it's said to be "The Presence of God." If you have a couple hours to waste, listen to these men say, "it's not about the oily Bible..." while they talk on and on about the oily Bible (as they continually fail to mention the Gospel of Jesus Christ who died for our sins):

I used to preach about Christ and Him crucified, but now we’ve got the oily Bible.
— Things the Apostle Paul Never Said

Please read: Do Miracles Signs and Wonders Create Faith?

This "signs and wonder" version of Christianity is part of The New Apostolic Reformation

Winnie Banov Has Lost Touch With Sanity

Winnie Banov preached at Glory City Church on July 7th, 2017 and it is patently clear from her behavior, words and whiteboard scribbles that she is in serious need of psychiatric care. But rather than get the help she needs, she was invited to spew her insane ramblings during the sermon time.  Sadly, the people and leadership of Glory City didn't see it for what it is (the ravings of a mentally ill woman) but received this non-lucid nonsense as a "word from God." The video below tells the story:

Bethel Church Cancels "Serious Death" & Releases Chickens, Barbecues and Houses (About Winnie Banov's husband, Georgian Banov)

Here's Georgian and Winnie Banov with their close friend, Heidi Baker:

Patricia King Can Ascend to Heaven

Patricia King claims she has the ability to ascend into the heavens, and she has apparently received study notes that she describes as almost complete dictation from the Holy Spirit on how you also can "ascend into the heavens." Perhaps she could take some videos of heaven on her next visit?

Instead of teaching people at her "glory school" she could could simply show us heaven itself! Of wait, she can't charge a fee if she doesn't have a "glory school."

According to Patricia King, the Bible isn't clear enough on our ability to ascend to heaven, so she needed some Holy Spirit dictated notes to make up for where the Bible is lacking. 

We know the Bible isn't lacking of course. We really don't need whatever Patricia King's vast imagination can conjure up. In fact when you see her lips start moving, it's probably a good idea to run away as fast and far as you can!

My dear brothers; eventually some new teachers will bring new teachings into the Church. Among their beneficial ideas will be the practice of “ascending to heaven” on an ongoing basis. And these new teachers will sell their services in what will be called “Glory Schools.” You must follow these teachers and ignore the previous teachings of the Bible.
— Said No Apostle Ever

Have you had enough of these false prophets? Read this and find some relief:

The Hyper-Charismatic House of Cards-Let It Fall and Be Free

$1000 to Get Hair and Nails Done: "God Made it That Way" says John Gray

A wife should be given $1000 from her husband to get her hair and nails done because God made it that way. Who would even dare assert something like that? What venue would allow such a speaker?

T.D. Jakes held MegaFest 2017 and had John Gray as a speaker. Gray is an associate pastor at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church. Osteen is author of Your Best Life Now, so it's not a stretch to believe the associate pastor under Osteen could tell all of Christendom that God wants a husband to give his wife $1000 to get her hair and nails done.

T.D. Jakes posted this video of John Gray speaking at MegaFest 2017.

What kind of world are these people living in where you just toss $1000 at your wife to get her hair and nails done? This points to the excess of their lifestyle, often at the fleecing of their own flock and followers. All done in the name of Jesus of course.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians about how he was hungry, thirsty, poorly clothed, and homeless.

To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.
— 1 Corinthians 4: 11-13

What advice would he have given to the Corinthian church?

Greetings my dear fellow believers; some of us might be poorly dressed, hungry and homeless, but nonetheless, husbands be sure to spend a few bucket loads of denarii so your wives can get their nails and hair done. God made it that way. 

Yours truly, The Apostle Paul
— 1 Hesitations 1: 9

 

Messages like these promoted by T.D. Jakes and John Gray grossly misrepresent Christianity. Instead of crucifying the flesh, they feed it mammon on steroids.

 

Are you fed up with this worldly, ear-tickling version of Christianity? Read this and see if you agree:

A Manifesto of Christian Discernment

Get a "Prophetic (Phone) Consultation" from Dennis Cramer for ONLY $1,000!!

Seriously, this is off-the-charts DISGUSTING!!! This "prophet" is SO great and SO busy that he can only prophecy over the phone, but only if you become a Lifetime Partner for a $1,000 "donation." (But you can still go and see him at a meeting for free. Phew!)

Prophetic Consultations

Are you sceptical? You shouldn't be because Cramer says:

"All Personal Prophetic Consultations contain a high level of REVELATION, PREDICTION, DIRECTION, IMPARTATION, CORRECTION (re-alignment, adjustment, improvement, advancement), AUTHORITY, and EQUIPPING ...for your work of service to the Lord. (Eph.4:12)."

You'd save a lot of money by dropping a quarter into this:

Seriously folks, if you're going to Christian fortune-tellers, it's time to repent and ask Christ to forgive you of all your sins. Please just read your Bible-it's God's Word!!

“Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.”

— 2 Corinthians 2:17

“and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.”

— 2 Peter 2:3

“Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.”

— James 5: 1-5

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

— Matthew 6: 19-21

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

— 1 John 4: 1

“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?”

— Jeremiah 5: 30-31

“And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ when the Lord has not spoken.”

— Ezekiel 22: 28

“Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity
to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.”

— Lamentations 2: 14

“For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.”

— Matthew 24: 24

Apostle Paul was a Religious Devil with a Jezebel Spirit? - Jennifer LeClaire

Paul the apostle may have been a religious devil with a Jezebel spirit if Jennifer LeClaire is correct about prophecy. In the video below she clearly said that if you're a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ then you are authorized to prophesy.

LeClaire doesn't qualify her statement with the word some, she's making a statement to all believers. Under inspiration of the Holy Spirit Paul the apostle taught differently.

27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts.
— (1 Corinthians 12:27-31 ESV)

The answer to all of the above is no. All believers are not granted the same gifts.

At this point, some may try to distinguish between the office of prophet, and the ability of an individual believer to prophesy. Even if you can draw the distinction, LeClaire clearly is not making it. Look at her Facebook post below.

She accuses anyone who disagrees with her of being a religious devil or having a Jezebel spirit. What does that imply about Paul? Paul disagrees with Jennifer LeClaire on this matter.

Don't forget, Dr. Michael Brown approves of Jennifer LeClaire and fully defends her teachings!

LeClaire's Apostolic Daddy Kicked Her Praise God! – Jennifer LeClaire

Jennifer LeClaire’s apostolic daddy James Goll literally kicked Jennifer LeClaire while at the Upgrade Conference. In response she exclaimed, “Praise God!”

Below you’ll see a Facebook post from Goll describing himself as a father in the faith to Jennifer LeClaire and Ryan LeStrange, and a video from LeClaire describing the prophetic kick in the pants she received from her apostolic daddy.

LeClaire’s brief video is wilted word salad that really doesn’t mean anything at all. It has lots of fun buzzwords, that when strung together appear to mean something, but really it means nothing.

Launch into "mega transition?"  "Mega upgrade??"

Being kicked is normal? And it's actually desirable??

It’s just weird. Really weird.

Are these people even preaching the gospel, or are they on some sort of mystical jungle gym trying to climb from bar to bar?

So much of what they say and do distracts from the gospel.

People like LeClaire really should take advice like Dr. Michael Brown gave in a recent video about the doctrines of demons.

He lists anything that takes you away from the exaltation of Jesus, the centrality of the word of God, and being seduced from the simplicity of Christ, as being part of the doctrine of demons.

Using vague buzzwords like mega transition, and mega upgrades, or focusing on being literally kicked by your apostolic daddy seems like it takes away from the exaltation of Christ, centrality of the word of God, and the simplicity of Christ.

People like Jennifer LeClaire need to repent of this worthless nonsense, and people like Dr. Michael Brown who befriend, associate, and minister with them, need to help in the process of calling them out to repentance.

Prophetic Dinosaurs - Lana Vawser

Lana Vawser claims God gave her a word for the body of Christ by speaking through a dinosaur in a video game. If you want to hear a lot of meaningless drivel, check out this rambling, useless and incoherent "Christian" fortune-telling  video: 

Vawser without hesitation reminds us that God has spoken to her before through popcorn, umbrellas, and Wonder Woman.

This time she felt God put it on her heart to give a message to the body of Christ by speaking through a dinosaur she saw in a video game her son was playing. After the initial dinosaur sighting Vawser tells us she started seeing dinosaurs all over the place.

Sometimes it's hard to understand what God is saying through popcorn, umbrellas, Wonder Woman, and dinosaurs, so she gave us some helpful references to understand one's vain imaginations. Here are some of the dingbats, nutjobs and "Christian Sorcerers" she recommends:

 

A-Z Dream Symbology by Dr. Barbie L Breathitt. 

The Divinity Code to Understanding Your Dreams and Visions by Adam Thompson and Adrian Beale

Understand Your Dreams Now: Spiritual Dream Interpretation by Doug Addison

Seems like a lot of work just to hear what a video game dinosaur is saying. Many people have been known to hear God by opening their Bible, and maybe just using a solid Bible commentary. Sadly, that's not as exciting and adventurous as hearing God speak through popcorn, umbrellas, Wonder Woman, and dinosaurs. 

Lana Vawser might as well be this guy:

 

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

— 1 John 4: 1

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

— 1 Corinthians 14: 33

“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?”

— Jeremiah 5: 30-31

“And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ when the Lord has not spoken.”

— Ezekiel 22: 28

“Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity
to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.”

— Lamentations 2: 14

“For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.”

— Matthew 24: 24


"Thrive Conference Video"-Cool People Becoming Effective Visionary Leaders of Influence and Stuff!!

Wow! Look at all the cool people doing amazing things at this AWESOME conference!!

(If you decide to attend, please be aware that most of what happens at this conference takes place in slow motion.)

Here are some screenshots of the vague, vision-casting, Dream Destiny Thingy Doctrine that this organization is teaching:

If you're really committed to this conference, you'll cough up the extra $199 for the "Gold Circle Pass" so you can interact with the Evangelical Superstars who otherwise cannot intermingle with normal people:

Choose to Serve Positive Thinking per Joshua 24:15 - Victoria Osteen

Victoria Osteen transformed Joshua 24:15 into a call to serve positive thinking. Instead of a call to turn from the Devil, sin, and self, and turn toward God, she spritzed the Bible with the Osteen doctrine of positive thinking and ends up calling people to serve the idol of positive thinking. This "Christless Christianity" has no need for a Savior who redeems us, instead, it makes our determined and deliberate decision-making into another god.

Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
— Joshua 24: 14-15

The Osteens and Lakewood Church teach the Word of Faith false doctrine; please read more about it here:

The Word of Faith Cornucopia of False Doctrine 

Be sure to listen to all 4 videos of the White Horse Inn talking about Christless Christianity:

Seinfeld "Sermon" Inspires Andy Stanley-NOT The Bible

Andy Stanley is trying to be clever (or something), when he begins his new "sermon" series by saying he got the idea of "Pack Your Bags" from a Jerry Seinfeld routine. He acts like it's no big deal to ignore God's Word and base his teaching on whatever he wants. In this "sermon," he eventually gets around to quoting a few Bible verses, but it's just window dressing on (yet another) motivational speech.

"No Gospel for you!"

This man is supposed to be the best of the best: his church has tens of thousands of attendees; his ideas are implemented by thousands of pastors; his books are a reference for many Christian leaders... and yet he blathers on about almost anything but the Word of God. Watch this 6 minute clip and contrast it to the Apostle Paul saying "I preach Christ and Him crucified." If you're really brave and want to waste even more time, listen to this entire (painful) "sermon" about how to do more and try harder here (you'll even get to watch a dramatic intro video about a duffle bag!)... 

God is Fun - Say Bye Bye to Reverence and Hello Ragtime Quartet

Element Church believes a core doctrine about God is that he's fun. A practical application of this doctrine is to toss out any sense of fear, awe, and reverence during an official Sunday worship service, and replace it with a worthless cheesy ragtime quartet of dads named The Ragtime Dads.

The idea that church needs to "be fun" in order to attract people is the result of a number of different flawed ideas: The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Doctrine

Prophetess Patricia King Approves of Eliphaz and God Does Not Approve

Self proclaimed prophetess Patricia King recently cited Eliphaz as a source of truth. The problem is that God said his wrath was kindled against Eliphaz because he didn't speak what was right concerning God.

She cites Job 22: 28. If you go to the beginning of the passage, you see that Eliphaz is speaking:

Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered and said: “Can a man be profitable to God? Surely he who is wise is profitable to himself. Is it any pleasure to the Almighty if you are in the right, or is it gain to him if you make your ways blameless?
— Job 22: 1-3 (ESV)

"Prophetess" Patricia King views him as a source of truth. What does God have to say about Eliphaz? Look at Job 42:7

After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.
— Job 42: 7 (ESV)

God's wrath was kindled against Eliphaz because he had not spoken what was right concerning God.

The whole basis for Patricia King's "decreeing and declaring" rests on someone God wasn't really happy with. The false teaching that says we can "decree and declare" (or "speak") things into existence comes from the Word of Faith movement-not the Bible. 

 

Amazingly, attributing the power of God to humans is a form of blasphemy. Only the sovereign God of the Universe can do that! On top of that, believing you can speak things into existence is a practice from witchcraft-not from the Bible!


For those of you who think it's mean and unloving to criticize Patricia King (or any other popular teacher) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

Also, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Carbonated Favor from God - Apostle Melvin Thompson III

Apostle Melvin Thompson III believes God gave him double for his distress because he received two sodas for the price of one from a malfunctioning vending machine.

What about the vending machine owner? He lost profit. Shouldn't an apostle of Jesus possibly find a way to give the vending machine owner his money back instead of claiming an extra soda as a sign of God's favor?

Apostle Axel Sippach claims Thompson as a son. In a Facebook post he promotes supposed downloads from heaven received during messages with Thompson. 

Aren't you glad these "Apostles" know about the realm of heavenly blessings given through malfunctioning vending machines?

Rest assured, if you have a huge series of troubles and distresses in life, God will be sure to double it by giving you a free soda from a broken vending machine. If you're a vending machine owner, just consider any lost profits as a sign God has opened a heavenly portal in your business and is blessing people with free carbonated beverages.