The "Bethel Board"-Encounter God With This New Game! (No, it's NOT a Ouija Board, You Religious Pharisee)

(Please read this entire article)

We all know how important it is to have massive encounters with God, right? Well, now it can be fun, too! Introducing the brand new board game from Bethel Church in Redding, California: "The Bethel Board!" (And it's just in time for Christmas!)

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Since the prophet Kris Vallotton decided that "Christian Tarot Cards" were okay (as long as we call them "Destiny Cards") we are now free to welcome any Occult, New Age, or fortunetelling practices into the church and into our living rooms! Imagine all the fun you'll have as you get direct downloads from the Third Heaven! With this spiritual-but-not-religious new board game, you'll be just like Bill Johnson himself (and without his vacuous, rambling and incoherent speeches to spoil all the fun).

And don't keep all the fun to yourself, invite your pagan friends over to play the game so they can get a "reading" on their "destiny!" They'll never know you're a Christian! What a great way to reach the lost with the message of Destiny, Presence Therapy, Dream Interpretation and Relationship Alignment.

For all of you narrow-minded people who think this is just a re-packaged Ouija board, you have nothing to fear because this game draws from the same divine energy of the Christ spirit, as ancient followers did and it operates only out of the third heaven realm to gain insight and revelation. Don't worry, Bethel Board encounters coming from the third heaven realm bring lasting life transformation and guidance! 

So pick up this supernaturally exciting new game at your local Christian Bookstore today!

 


This whole article is fake, it's a crazy over-the-top satire piece. Or is it really "over-the-top?"

The language used in this article comes from Bethel Church and from Christalignment.org, in fact, the last paragraph simply inserts "Bethel board" into sentences taken word for word from the home page of Christalignment (note the bottom two paragraphs):

 

The people at Christalignment are serious about going undercover so they can use Destiny Card readings to tell people their "Destiny" (and not preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Here are some examples from the Christalignment website:

 

Christalignment and Bethel Church teach the same things! Here's a story written by a student of Bethel's "School of Supernatural Ministry" where students are encouraged to operate undercover at New Age/Psychic  fairs: Are You More Religious Than Jesus?

Here's a screenshot of the article:

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Global Awakening, which was founded by Randy Clark (a very close friend of Bill Johnson and Bethel) produced a movie called Witch City that features their students doing exactly the same thing as Christalignment:

I used to preach Christ and Him crucified for sinners, but now I do readings on people so I can tell them their destiny.
— NOT a Real Apostle from the Holy Bible