Shawn Bolz Does Google Cold Reading at The Send as Holy Spirit Takes a Nap.

In a recent press conference the Holy Spirit spoke about recent events at The Send, in Orlando, FL on Feb. 23, 2019. “After so many hours of hypnotic, mid-tempo, repetitive music I just had to lay down and close my eyes for a few minutes,” said the Holy Spirit in a somewhat apologetic tone. “Well, that few minutes turned into several hours of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. I must’ve really needed the rest after being conjured up repeatedly throughout the day.” A reporter from Charisma Magazine asked Him, “How did Shawn Bolz get such an accurate word of knowledge about Dennis Melnichuk if you weren’t even awake to feed him the information?” The Third Person of the Trinity shifted uncomfortably in His chair for a moment before replying plainly, “Mr. Bolz did what was necessary, under the conditions of the moment: he got a few names off of the The Send registration list and did a quick Google search to retrieve pertinent information for the purpose of building up the saints.” After a few whispered gasps could be heard, an awkward pause filled the pressroom as everyone considered the gravity of the situation.

A young reporter from the Orlando Examiner asked Him, “Sir, please forgive me if my question is out of line, but basically you’re saying that Shawn Bolz lied… and, and, he pretended to get supernatural help from you when it was really information he just found online??” The Sovereign God of the Universe seemed unfazed by the confrontational, yet legitimate, question. He answered without hesitation, “Look, here’s how this works: I’m a busy guy, I’m doing stuff for people all day long, so I’m not gonna sit here and apologize for anything. These people wanted to see a “sign from God” and they got exactly what they wanted. I’m all about results, and Shawn Bolz got results.” As if He was energized by His newly-found transparency He continued, “Do any of you people have any idea what it’s like to be shouted at all day long? Have you ever had a stadium full of people begging and pleading for you to do stuff all day long? In the hot Florida sun?? No, you haven’t. I was exhausted, I took a nap, Bolz did the right thing to appease the sign-seekers, and everyone was happy. Heck, they’re still happy! Even after they learn that the whole thing was fake they refuse to believe it because they like it so much. I call that a success. No more questions.”

The Holy Spirit then got up to leave, taking with Him a large glass of freshly-squeezed Florida orange juice. The roomful of reporters began to lightly applaud as Benny Hinn pulled up in his gold-plated Ferrari to provide taxi service, as the two were reportedly on their way to attend Lou Engle’s “Kundalini Workout Program.” Mr. Hinn could be heard to say “watch out-this thing doesn’t have cup holders!” as the two sped off, making their way through the Orlando traffic.


Read the complete version of this article at Steven Kozar’s all-new The Messed Up Church website.


New Comedy from Charlie Shamp: "A New Prophetic Bird is Being Birthed in the Earth"

The following is a silly and incoherent word salad from Charlie Shamp that was (accidentally) published on the Elijah List website as real. Unfortunately, this work of wacky comedy sounded exactly like the other “prophetic words” that the Elijah List posts everyday, so Steve Shultz took it seriously and provided this endorsing preface: “I have come to know Charlie Shamp's prophetic words as being very accurate and timely. I always look forward to reading and hearing what Prophet Charlie Shamp has to share with the Body of Christ. This is a most intriguing word as Charlie shares about new prophetic birds being birthed in this season:”

Charlie Shamp: "A New Prophetic Bird is Being Birthed in the Earth"

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These crazy “prophetic words” are so far away from Biblical Christianity that anyone with an ounce of common sense should see the humor and simply laugh! Clearly, Charlie Shamp is trying his hand at comedy, since his ability to predict the future has failed miserably, and that zany hairstyle is practically shouting: “Hey! This all just a joke, go ahead and laugh at me!!”

Here are some of the outrageous things that Charlie Shamp wrote in his nutty little article about prophetic birds being birthed:

“The Golden Eagle

The golden eagle represented the seer prophets. Those who are given supernatural insights and heavenly revelation through dreams and visions. They carry a wonder-working power of the supernatural. They often manifest unusual wonders and manifestations of the glory.

The Silver Winged Dove

The silver winged dove represented the nabi prophets. Those that spontaneously prophesy as the Spirit moves upon them. They are given a ministry of signs that manifest in the area of deliverance and healing.

The Snow White Owl

The snow white owl represented the prayer and holiness prophets. These are watchers and prophetic intercessors. They are those who the Lord had sent to pray and intercede over cities and nations. From out of this prophetic bird has sprung the prayer and purity revival movements.”

-Comedy from Charlie Shamp


Just to make sure everyone knows this is all in fun, Shamp ends his article with pure nonsense that says absolutely nothing. Check out this hilarious ending paragraph (and try to hold back the laughter!)…

“I believe we are in a season of acceleration in the prophetic. A new mantle is being offered to the Church. God is looking for leaders to unite from these three movements. As they come together in this season, a new, fresh wave of prophetic power will be released upon this young prophetic generation of sons and daughters. It will take the spirit of Elijah coming upon the fathers and mothers to unite the different prophetic movements, but they will release a Bridal company, and a new prophetic bird will be released in the earth, one the world has never seen before.”

-Comedy from Charlie Shamp

For more information on Charlie Shamp, check out these episodes of Fighting for the Faith.

The Lou Engle Kundalini Workout Program!

Wanna lose a few more pounds? Well it's time to get spiritual-and get in shape!

Follow along with Lou and you'll be sweating off that extra weight in no time! Before you can say "who babba kanda" you'll be exhibiting your own personal Tourette Syndrome! Shabba!!