Bad to the Bone Church

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Church by the Glades has got a series of “sermons” based on… Halloween. Or vampires… or Haunted Houses… or something like that.

Here’s the song that kicks off their series Escaping a Haunted Mansion:

Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God.
— 3 John 11

Finding God at Beyonce "Mass?"

Just when you thought that seeker-friendly evangelicals were at the height of embarrassing cultural accommodation, this Episcopal church in San Francisco goes so far over the top that suddenly Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, and Benny Hinn appear orthodox and Biblical: 

God Speaks Through AC/DC’s Money Talks? – The Pointe Church Fort Wayne, Indiana

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When you’re at an official Sunday morning worship service can you expect God to speak to you in a real way through AC/DC’s song Money TalksThe Pointe Church in Fort Wayne, Indiana prayed to God, asking God to speak to people in a real way (whatever that's supposed to mean). Immediately after the prayer they played Money Talks by AC/DC.

The entire service can be viewed here, (but perhaps you've seen enough already?)

Visual Proof That Modern Churches are (Much) Better

Seinfeld "Sermon" Inspires Andy Stanley-NOT The Bible

Andy Stanley is trying to be clever (or something), when he begins his new "sermon" series by saying he got the idea of "Pack Your Bags" from a Jerry Seinfeld routine. He acts like it's no big deal to ignore God's Word and base his teaching on whatever he wants. In this "sermon," he eventually gets around to quoting a few Bible verses, but it's just window dressing on (yet another) motivational speech.

"No Gospel for you!"

This man is supposed to be the best of the best: his church has tens of thousands of attendees; his ideas are implemented by thousands of pastors; his books are a reference for many Christian leaders... and yet he blathers on about almost anything but the Word of God. Watch this 6 minute clip and contrast it to the Apostle Paul saying "I preach Christ and Him crucified." If you're really brave and want to waste even more time, listen to this entire (painful) "sermon" about how to do more and try harder here (you'll even get to watch a dramatic intro video about a duffle bag!)... 

God is Fun - Say Bye Bye to Reverence and Hello Ragtime Quartet

Element Church believes a core doctrine about God is that he's fun. A practical application of this doctrine is to toss out any sense of fear, awe, and reverence during an official Sunday worship service, and replace it with a worthless cheesy ragtime quartet of dads named The Ragtime Dads.

The idea that church needs to "be fun" in order to attract people is the result of a number of different flawed ideas: The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Doctrine

Visual Proof That Modern Churches are (Much) Better

 

Wanna see a bunch of neanderthals living in the dark ages? Click through these photos and look at these silly old churches having old-fashioned worship services:

(Pretty embarrassing, isn't it??)

 

 

But now, take a look at these modern church services. THIS is what works! THIS is how you accurately and reverently worship the sovereign God of the universe!

(The following are all real snippets of modern Evangelical "worship services" from their own YouTube channels) 

 


"Pastor" Ed Young, Jr. Skips Around the Stage as Adults Applaud

This is one of the biggest "pastors" in America. This is not satire. This was part of a horrible sermon series. Listen to Chris Rosebrough discuss this on this episode of Fighting for the Faith.

In case you're thinking, "Well at least he's getting people to come to church..." you need to read this:

The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Teaching

"The Sexy Gimmick Apostle"-Jeremy Gibbons Goes Full Throttle Sex in the City

Self described "apostle" Jeremy Gibbons has decided to go full throttle "Sex in the City", as he dresses down the taboo topic of sex for the month of February.

God apparently needs help and manmade additions to the means he's given to the church for the conversion of the unregenerate. The first apostles were not aware of the need for sexy gimmicks, so good thing "apostle" Gibbons came along to be God's wingman.

Sex Doesn't Have to Be Grey?!?

If you love sex then you're in for a real treat this weekend at Ignite "Church".  Heath Mooneyham, the pastor who was busted for a DUI and restored to ministry in a few short weeks, will be teaching everyone at Ignite how sex doesn't have to be grey.

Below is Ignite's promo video and Facebook post for the sermon. Note: they want people to share this video with their unsaved friends so they'll come to church on Sunday so that Mooneyham can teach them about sex.

Pastor Spanks Himself for the Super Bowl and Other Silly Stuff

Apparently, most men are ignorant brutes who won't come to church unless it's turned into a spectacle of stupidity. At least this "church" seems to think so...

Has your pastor ever publicly spanked himself before getting up to preach? If you attend Crossroads Church you can answer in the affirmative.

Crossroads Church held their Super Bowl of preaching, and of course they had a major supply of worthless nonsense. The self-spanking pastor was only the beginning.

They bragged that the church service was rowdy and offensive. They had a "family friendly" sex joke and pun, and even talked about junk in the trunk. Check out the animated gifs below just so you too can experience the worthless nonsense.

You can watch the worst of the worst below, including the self-spanking pastoral entrance, sex joke and pun, junk in the trunk, other antics, and even the pastor asking why people don't want to be associated with Evangelicals. Hmm. . . I wonder why?

If you really want to, you can watch most of the entire service.

This is a followup entry on a previous entry about their Super Bowl of Preaching gimmick. Yet another entry that does not need further commentary.

...in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.
— Titus 2: 7-8

Church Is Irreverent Spectator Sport Shamelessly Admits Crossroads Church

On Superbowl Sunday, Crossroads Church is having a preaching competition titled "Mingo vs. Tome." They're being incredibly honest about the event. They're admitting it's an irreverent, schticky thing meant to turn church into a spectator sport. 

Like any megachurch gimmick they have created a promotional video.

Also, the obligatory promotional photos.

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In 2016 they had a halftime show.

Church as a non-boring, irreverent, schticky spectator sport. Should this really surprise us from a church using a disposable coffee cup as their main brand image? I mean instead of something like a bible or cross?

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
— Galatians 1: 10
I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.
— 2 Timothy 4: 1-4

Stormtrooper Crotch-thrusting at Church by the Glades!

Another "worship" spectacle that spoofs itself:

So let's take an inventory of what's going on here... We've got a "church service" that looks like a drive-in movie (with real people in real cars); a strange dance tribute to Michael Jackson, PSY, Beyonce and... Star Wars; and an opening skit with two people portraying Chewbacca and Princess Leia. What were these people thinking?? 

  • Maybe Church by the Glades was trying to visibly demonstrate the total depravity of all human beings?
  • Maybe somebody thought that Stormtrooper costumes would create visual and aesthetic unity for the three otherwise unrelated songs (Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough, Gangnam Style, Single Ladies-Put a Ring On It)?
  • Maybe they took this idea from Britain's Got Talent?
  • Or, maybe they were just trying to maintain their top position in The Museum of Idolatry?

 

 

For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.
— 1 Corinthians 2:2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
— Romans 12:1-2
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.
— 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Church by the Glades (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend this kind of "worship" service, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.

Here's a very extensive documentary exposing the problems with the "Seeker-Friendly" church model: Church of Tares: Purpose Driven, Seeker Sensitive

Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Enter His Courts With Scaramouch at Cedar Creek Church

Sunday worship needs more scaramouch. At least that’s what I’m lead to believe based on an opener to come out of Cedar Creek Church during their Sunday worship service. They did a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, using wigged head banging men to spice it up.

 

Bohemian Rhapsody mentions scaramouch. What is scaramouch?

1. capitalized : a stock character in the Italian commedia dell’arte that burlesques the Spanish don and is characterized by boastfulness and cowardliness
2a : a cowardly buffoon : rascal, scamp

That’s an amazing unintentional and accurate metaphor. Tactics like this during worship boast more in our human genius to keep people in the church instead of trusting in the means God uses to save and grow his church. We end up trusting in our own genius. Ultimately this leads to total buffoonery.

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Cedar Creek Church (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend this kind of "worship" service, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.

Here's a very extensive documentary exposing the problems with the "Seeker-Friendly" church model: Church of Tares: Purpose Driven, Seeker Sensitive

Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

Joo-Joo Eyeball & Monkey Finger at Kensington Troy Sunday Worship Service

Have you ever sang about joo-joo eyeball, toe-jam football, monkey finger, and walrus gumboot at your Sunday church worship service? Kensington Troy did during their 09-11-2016 Sunday worship service.

This isn’t the type of singing scripture tells to use when we come together during worship.

Ephesians 5:18-19 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Colossians 3:15-17

15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Worship lyrics should be distinctly bible centric, not Beatles centric. Let’s come together around scripture, not around joo-joo eyeball, and monkey finger.

Pokemon "Worship" song??

Church by the Glades has jumped the shark so many times... but this time... it's difficult to find words... 

Maybe this article can help explain such madness:

The Problem with the Purpose Driven Life Movement: Cookies?