Finding God at Beyonce "Mass?"

Just when you thought that seeker-friendly evangelicals were at the height of embarrassing cultural accommodation, this Episcopal church in San Francisco goes so far over the top that suddenly Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, and Benny Hinn appear orthodox and Biblical: 

Pulpit Leapfrogging: Lance Wallnau’s “Revival” Rewind from Ken Hagin

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Lance Wallnau wants to go back to the "good old days..."

Lance Wallnau’s 7 Mountain Mandate Underground Facebook page recently shared a video from a Kenneth Hagin revival meeting showing a lot of odd things attributed to a work of the Holy Ghost. It opens with someone leap frogging over a pulpit as the camera pans to a "Jesus is Lord" sign up front. Don't  you wonder: which "Jesus" is Lord of this place?

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There is, of course, the usual “holy laughter,” slain in the spirit, and drunk in the spirit. Hagin spends most of his time in the video looking for someone to close the service. Each person ends up becoming so drunk in the spirit that they can’t close the service. This looks more like a bizarre and twisted comedy routine than a worship service. 

But all things should be done decently and in order.
— 1 Corinthians 14:40 (ESV)
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
— 1 Peter 1:13 (ESV)
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
— 1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)

This “revival” was not done decently and in order, and people claim to be drunk instead of sober. This supposed move of the Holy Spirit does not align with inspired scripture.

This is the type of revival people like Lance Wallnau and the New Apostolic Reformation want to bring to our churches. They're demonic apostles of disorder and drunkenness. Don't fall the the schemes of these dark super apostles. Stick with scripture, you can't go wrong.


"Don't Stop Believing" On The Jim Bakker Show!

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Televangelist Paula White and her (third) husband, Jonathan Cain (Paula is his fourth wife) were recently on the Jim Bakker Show. Jonathan Cain is a rock star from the band Journey. He performed his gigantic hit "Don't Stop Believing" on the show. This is really weird:

Maybe somebody should tell these people that this isn't a worship song. The lyrics aren't even totally coherent: "Streetlights people, living just to find emotion..." What the??

Here's the chorus and outro lyrics:

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Don’t stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people
Don’t stop believing
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don’t stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people
— "Don't Stop Believing" from Journey

Here's the audience joining the worshipful sing-along, (or maybe reliving their high school glory days):

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This strange event really took place, but it came very close to this satirical piece from the satire site, The Babylon Bee: Journey Song Becomes Unlikely Worship Hit After Accidental Christian Radio Broadcast

 

Even Mike Bickle couldn't believe they sang that song:

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Okay, okay, Mike Bickle wasn't on the show that day. But, Mike Bickle was recently on the Jim Bakker Show. He talked all about the "prophet" Bob Jones and a bunch of other weird stuff like he usually does. 

 

By the way, Jonathan Cain told Christians to watch porn with their wives:

God Speaks Through AC/DC’s Money Talks? – The Pointe Church Fort Wayne, Indiana

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When you’re at an official Sunday morning worship service can you expect God to speak to you in a real way through AC/DC’s song Money TalksThe Pointe Church in Fort Wayne, Indiana prayed to God, asking God to speak to people in a real way (whatever that's supposed to mean). Immediately after the prayer they played Money Talks by AC/DC.

The entire service can be viewed here, (but perhaps you've seen enough already?)

Visual Proof That Modern Churches are (Much) Better

Choose to Serve Positive Thinking per Joshua 24:15 - Victoria Osteen

Victoria Osteen transformed Joshua 24:15 into a call to serve positive thinking. Instead of a call to turn from the Devil, sin, and self, and turn toward God, she spritzed the Bible with the Osteen doctrine of positive thinking and ends up calling people to serve the idol of positive thinking. This "Christless Christianity" has no need for a Savior who redeems us, instead, it makes our determined and deliberate decision-making into another god.

Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
— Joshua 24: 14-15

The Osteens and Lakewood Church teach the Word of Faith false doctrine; please read more about it here:

The Word of Faith Cornucopia of False Doctrine 

Be sure to listen to all 4 videos of the White Horse Inn talking about Christless Christianity:

Seinfeld "Sermon" Inspires Andy Stanley-NOT The Bible

Andy Stanley is trying to be clever (or something), when he begins his new "sermon" series by saying he got the idea of "Pack Your Bags" from a Jerry Seinfeld routine. He acts like it's no big deal to ignore God's Word and base his teaching on whatever he wants. In this "sermon," he eventually gets around to quoting a few Bible verses, but it's just window dressing on (yet another) motivational speech.

"No Gospel for you!"

This man is supposed to be the best of the best: his church has tens of thousands of attendees; his ideas are implemented by thousands of pastors; his books are a reference for many Christian leaders... and yet he blathers on about almost anything but the Word of God. Watch this 6 minute clip and contrast it to the Apostle Paul saying "I preach Christ and Him crucified." If you're really brave and want to waste even more time, listen to this entire (painful) "sermon" about how to do more and try harder here (you'll even get to watch a dramatic intro video about a duffle bag!)... 

God is Fun - Say Bye Bye to Reverence and Hello Ragtime Quartet

Element Church believes a core doctrine about God is that he's fun. A practical application of this doctrine is to toss out any sense of fear, awe, and reverence during an official Sunday worship service, and replace it with a worthless cheesy ragtime quartet of dads named The Ragtime Dads.

The idea that church needs to "be fun" in order to attract people is the result of a number of different flawed ideas: The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Doctrine

Furtick's Ego Survives Entire Sermon Without Crowd Triggered Endorphin Rush?

Did Steven Furtick’s ego and central nervous system survive an entire sermon without an audience triggered endorphin rush?

Before preaching on Coming Out of the DroughtSteven Furtick said he wanted to commit to teaching, and not engage in any hollering or wild stuff during his sermon. Could his ego survive a calm audience? How would his central nervous system react to an audience not pumping his system full of endorphins every two minutes? Did Furtick even live up to his commitment? Take a look below and decide for yourself. (We think, perhaps, this is just another method of whipping his adoring fans into another Sunday morning frenzy...)

Visual Proof That Modern Churches are (Much) Better

 

Wanna see a bunch of neanderthals living in the dark ages? Click through these photos and look at these silly old churches having old-fashioned worship services:

(Pretty embarrassing, isn't it??)

 

 

But now, take a look at these modern church services. THIS is what works! THIS is how you accurately and reverently worship the sovereign God of the universe!

(The following are all real snippets of modern Evangelical "worship services" from their own YouTube channels) 

 


"The Sexy Gimmick Apostle"-Jeremy Gibbons Goes Full Throttle Sex in the City

Self described "apostle" Jeremy Gibbons has decided to go full throttle "Sex in the City", as he dresses down the taboo topic of sex for the month of February.

God apparently needs help and manmade additions to the means he's given to the church for the conversion of the unregenerate. The first apostles were not aware of the need for sexy gimmicks, so good thing "apostle" Gibbons came along to be God's wingman.

Dream Wild Mashup: Prophetic Words, Songs and Declarations by Jennifer LeClaire

This is NOT satire, this is real:

Jennifer LeClaire is actually trying to sell CDs of this useless "prophetic" drivel, accompanied by some music. Her website says this: "This is a CD of prophetic words, sounds and decrees that defy impossibilities." Huh? Wouldn't it have been more honest to say: "This is a CD of various catch-phrases and slogans, accompanied by music. Jennifer LeClaire wants more money."

Real musicians are often making their entire albums available for FREE on various music websites, like Bandcamp and Soundcloud; but Jennifer puts this video of short samples on YouTube, without allowing anyone to hear the whole thing. Wait... this CD is a prophetic "word from God" but you need to send LeClaire $15.00 if you want to hear it?? 

No thanks, Jennifer, we've got the actual Word of God.

Pastor Spanks Himself for the Super Bowl and Other Silly Stuff

Apparently, most men are ignorant brutes who won't come to church unless it's turned into a spectacle of stupidity. At least this "church" seems to think so...

Has your pastor ever publicly spanked himself before getting up to preach? If you attend Crossroads Church you can answer in the affirmative.

Crossroads Church held their Super Bowl of preaching, and of course they had a major supply of worthless nonsense. The self-spanking pastor was only the beginning.

They bragged that the church service was rowdy and offensive. They had a "family friendly" sex joke and pun, and even talked about junk in the trunk. Check out the animated gifs below just so you too can experience the worthless nonsense.

You can watch the worst of the worst below, including the self-spanking pastoral entrance, sex joke and pun, junk in the trunk, other antics, and even the pastor asking why people don't want to be associated with Evangelicals. Hmm. . . I wonder why?

If you really want to, you can watch most of the entire service.

This is a followup entry on a previous entry about their Super Bowl of Preaching gimmick. Yet another entry that does not need further commentary.

...in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.
— Titus 2: 7-8

Church Is Irreverent Spectator Sport Shamelessly Admits Crossroads Church

On Superbowl Sunday, Crossroads Church is having a preaching competition titled "Mingo vs. Tome." They're being incredibly honest about the event. They're admitting it's an irreverent, schticky thing meant to turn church into a spectator sport. 

Like any megachurch gimmick they have created a promotional video.

Also, the obligatory promotional photos.

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In 2016 they had a halftime show.

Church as a non-boring, irreverent, schticky spectator sport. Should this really surprise us from a church using a disposable coffee cup as their main brand image? I mean instead of something like a bible or cross?

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
— Galatians 1: 10
I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.
— 2 Timothy 4: 1-4

Pastor David Hughes Jumps Up and Down on Gigantic Couch

Is it any surprise that this ridiculous "pastor" completely mishandles the Word of God? Is it any surprise that he gives a totally Law-based motivational speech that tries to manipulate his audience into doing more? 

Listen to the sermon review on this episode of Fighting for the Faith:

Big Comfy Couch (The Sermon)

 

Here's the comedian Galagher from the 1980's:

Hmmm, does "pastor" David Hughes remind you of any another guy jumping?...

 

Here's another great sermon review from BEZELT3:

Power of Potential to Elevate Furtick's Ego?

In a recent sermon on "The Power of Potential" at Elevation Church, Steven Furtick is seen repeatedly begging his congregation for elevation of his ego, while he also self-brags on his preaching ability.

He directed the person running the Snap Chat app to make sure  he was recording the sermon because he was "preaching pretty good". Another time Furtick lifts his head to God, and appears to be petitioning God for a crowd reaction. Furtick then begs his church to help him preach because he feels like he is at a funeral.

You will also observe Furtick asking for his audience to at least grunt in reaction to his sermon, as he makes weird gestures with his body. Furtick  continues to self-brag by reminding Elevation that he has his own church, and can pretty much say what he wants to say.

 

Later his ego appears to be deflating as he repeats to himself, "I'm helping somebody." His church had some mercy and gave some positive reinforcement.  
Then once again his ego was deflating, and he had to self sooth and repeat to himself, "I wish this was the rowdy crowd." That achieved the desired effect and his church once again elevated his ego.

In a final volley of self-aggrandizing rants that provoked his audience to a fever pitch, he brags and says, "This is the kind of preaching that will mess you up." 

Elevation Church appears to be about the elevation of Steven Furtick's ego. He brags about his preaching, begs for praise, while going back and forth on his stage. On a closing thought, speaking of the stage, take a look at the picture below and see who all four spotlights are pointing toward.

Is Jesus in the spotlight? Who is he pointing praise and attention towards repeatedly in his message? The answer is sadly obvious. 

This is a sin that can be forgiven because of what Jesus did for us on the cross. Pray that God would grant any church caught up in these antics full repentance. If you're in a position of leadership and are caught up in this nonsense, the forgiveness is for you too. Ask God to grant you repentance.

The Steven Furtick Cornucopia of False Teaching, Egomania and Hairgel

"I Will Fight!" Jesus Died to Make You a Winner!!

Elevation Church is ready to PUMP YOU UP!! (Is this a church or a fitness club?)

Jesus wants you to be RIPPED!!

Jesus expects you to FIGHT!!

Super Pastor Steven Furtick has really big muscles, why don't YOU??

 

(But it's all about Jesus, right?)


Btw, Super Pastor Craig Groeschel would like to mention that he has really big muscles, too... 

(Pastor Groeschel is still trying to get past his reputation for having portrayed Harold Krenshaw on the TV show "Monk")

Christmas: It's Time To Pander to the Crowds Again!

Every year the biggest churches put on the biggest spectacles to attract the biggest crowds. Here's a video compilation of a few of the most ridiculous:

Just in case you aren't nauseous yet, here's a post from last year at this time: Battle of the Crazy Gigantic Extreme Christmas Spectacles!

I wanna see people floating around My churches on wires! Where are the acrobats? Can’t we get more acrobats for the Christmas Show?? Let’s get some colored lights on those drums! Turn up the bass solo-I want people to feel it! Remember, Christmas is all about ME and MY SHOW!!!
— Things Jesus Never Said