The User's Guide to Postmodern "Emergent" Christianity

     Step one is essential: "Get in the loop!" What does this mean, you ask? Well, this thought pattern is almost everything you'll need to stay clueless within the confines of Postmodern Christianity. Once you start thinking this way, you'll never get out of "the loop." It goes like this:

     "Mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental people are bad, and whatever they believe is instantly invalidated by the fact that they are judgmental, narrow-minded, angry and mean. I get to decide if, and when, they are mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental."

     Once you're safely in this loop you won't need to carefully consider the truth claims of another believer with their precious little Bible verses. And, thankfully, you'll never have to learn anything about the theology and creeds that have been passed down for almost two thousand years. Remember, there are still old-fashioned Christians who believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, and they are mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental. These dinosaurs want to conduct church the same old way and cling to antiquated beliefs that are out of step with today's social climate. You can easily ignore these people if you're "in the loop." Before you know it, you will have completely dehumanized them and it won't even faze you that you've been the judgmental one all along! 

 

      To follow step two, say something like this: "That may be true for you, but it's not true for me." In days of old, this was only used for superficial matters, like one's preference of Mary Ann over Ginger. But nowadays this simplistic catch phrase serves a vital new purpose: it enables anyone to ignore God's Word with impunity. It used to be that a Christian couldn't just go around rearranging and reinterpreting the Bible, but now it's easy! You may substitute similar catch phrases like "I just feel like it's not wrong for me" or you can even quote that great Bible verse: "What is truth? asked Pilate..."

      Step three, in case you haven't already figured it out, is this: Don't take the Bible very serious at all, just give it lip-service. I know, I know, this sounds extreme, but remember this is Postmodern Christianity. Postmodernity is a belief system that says that no belief system is true. It's absolutely certain that nothing is absolutely certain. The Bible is full of absolute truth claims, that's why it's so exclusive, hateful and out-of-date. However, you will still need to make reference to it on occasion, so it's good to have some overly simplistic proof-texts handy. "Thou shall not judge" is the all-time most popular proof-text, so feel free to use it as often as you want. Just remember not to read the entire passage in the actual Bible, otherwise you'll see what Jesus really meant. You can even misquote it like this: "Who are we to judge?" or "Only God can judge-that's not my job!"

 

      The Bible has clear rules about what is right and wrong, so you will need to avoid all of that. Remember, people generally hate God's rules, so you need to stay on their side; instead, make those Bible thumping "traditional" Christians seem like the real problem, i.e. they're bad because they think they're better than anyone else. You must ignore the fact that true Bible-believing Christians don't think they're better than anyone else, they are simply pointing to the unchangeable truth of God's Word as the only ultimate authority. Furthermore, the Gospel itself is only "Good News" because Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins... and we couldn't even have sins unless we were guilty of breaking God's commandments... and since God Himself gave us His commandments we are clearly guilty and in need of a Savior.... do you see how this all falls apart if you start reading the Bible? You'll just turn into a regular Christian-ugh!

     Instead of that, keep it simple and just say something like "I believe the way of Jesus is love" or "I believe God just wants everyone to be happy in their own way." Nobody's going to argue with that, right? For more ideas on how to misquote God's Word, just listen to any interview with Rob Bell, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, Tony Jones or any of the hip new emergent leaders. With a good dose of sincerity and direct eye contact (plus some emotional background music), you can say almost anything in the name of Jesus!

     Finally, when in doubt, always prefer ambiguity over certainty and truth. Ambiguity is the magic glue that holds Postmodern Christianity together. What does this mean? I don't know, what do you think it means? Is it possible that the ambiguity of uncertainty is really just the context from within which our sense of community can emerge? I don't know, I'm just asking the question, because the beauty of relationship reveals itself through the self-discovery process, as we all find personal meaning collectively and individually. I'm not saying that anyone's version of truth is right or wrong; I'm just asking questions so that a dialogue can be established. Maybe there's a better way, a way where all of our collective narratives can form a cohesive, yet multi-faceted story. Maybe this new meta-narrative can lead us to a place where fear and hatred will be replaced by mystery, beauty, and ongoing book sales. A place with well-attended conferences and substantial speaking fees, a place of extensive radio and T.V. interviews and, ultimately, a regular guest position with Oprah. We must dream. We must hope. We must never reach any conclusions.

(See how easy this is?)

 

Now get out there and confuse everyone! You can do it!! 


Here's a great episode of Fighting for the Faith to help you understand Postmodernism better: A Beginner's Guide to Post-Modernity

Check out this article (with a TON of links) from the Berean Examiner: Postmodern Christianity's End Game?

For a serious look at the "Emerging/Postmodern" church, please watch this extensive video:

For an extensive and serious understanding of Postmodernism please listen to this audio book from Professor Stephen Hicks:

(Thanks to the folks at Pyromaniacs for the memes)

 

 

Stupid Pastor Tricks-How You're Getting Fooled

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The Juvenilization Category of Tricks: 

  • The "Turn to your neighbor and say..." trick. Mr. Mega Pastor, we are no longer in the second grade, and we shouldn't be treated as such. This is just a way to force people to agree with you.
  • The "end every other sentence with AMEN?!" trick. Amen is not a question. You are putting that word at the end of your sentence because it forces people to agree with you, as they shut down any critical thinking.
  • The "make your church look like a children's TV Show" trick. Mr. Mega Pastor wants his followers to revert back to adolescence in order to instill obedience. But just how far will he go as he belittles his audience? How about this far:

                         Or how about this far:

                          Or how about this far:

  • The "my expectations of you are so low that I'll repeatedly insult your intelligence in order to hold your gnat-like attention" trick. Mr. Mega Pastor thinks most people are pretty stupid and need to be treated as gullible spectators. Worse than that, he thinks God needs the church service to be an adult pre-school in order to accomplish His will on earth.
  • The "listen to me repeat a catchphrase as if it were a Bible verse" trick. Because he needs these people to remember something, but he just can't seem to fit an actual Bible passage into his frantic yet meandering 45-minute speech...

 

The Cult of Personality Category of Tricks:

  • The "we started this church in our living room 6 years ago and look at what God has done!" trick. You bought a mailing list, hired a graphic artist and a web designer, you mailed out a slick postcard to 10,000 people that made promises & claims that your church can never deliver, but you're giving all the credit to God? Don't blame this thing on God.
  • The "aw shucks, can I just talk about myself for a while longer?" trick. You are trying to act humble but it's only working on the truly gullible.
  • The "our church is really great, and just in case you don't know how great it is, I'm gonna talk about it some more" trick. Why is it so important to continually prop up your church? You're not a pastor, you're a salesman making a pitch.
  • The "I don't have time to read the Bible, but I've got time to talk about sports/TV shows/personal stories/jokes/useless drivel..." trick. Everything that happens in your sermon is by your design, and you're deciding to cut out God's Word to make more room for yourself.
  • The "here's a really catchy name for my new sermon series that I'll keep repeating (I hope it gets me a book deal)" trick. We get it: without a new book you've got nothing to sell at the merchandise table when you go on the speaking circuit.
  • The "we are just so blessed and honored to have Pastor Whoever He Is with us today!" trick. And if you suck up to him enough, you'll get a speaking invitation at his (much larger) church.
  • The "watch me do that dramatic... pause... just like Rob Bell or Andy Stanley" trick. This is just cheap theatrics, and you've cheapened the house of God by pretending to be profound.
  • The "let me show you how cool and relevant I am while I pretend that I'm not trying to be cool and relevant" trick. Again, this only works on the truly gullible. You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren't you Mr. Mega Pastor? (And Mr. Cool Music Guy on the worship team, maybe you should look into joining a cover band to satisfy your need for attention.)
  • The "let me brag about my luxurious lifestyle in front of the struggling people who paid for it" trick. You're not setting an example of success, you're taking money from people who will never live out the fantasies you sell them in the name of God.

 

The Super Spiritual Category of Tricks:

  • The "I hope you don't notice that I'm just making up this prophetic utterance" trick. If you want people to believe that God is speaking through you, shouldn't you construct sentences that actually mean something? How ridiculous can these "prophetic words" get? This ridiculous:
  • The "this is gonna be the year of acceleration! (or breakthrough, or increase, or visitation, or whatever...)" trick. Don't worry, after you make your New Year's proclamation you've got 11 months of useless blathering to distract everyone from your vague, yet false prediction.
  • The "I can make outlandish claims without any authentication" trick. Why does every supernatural event that you mention occur in some remote country... without cameras?
  • The "my Bible fell open and this is the verse that God showed me" trick. Wait a minute, is this a Christian church service or a tarot card reading??
  • The "I had my sermon all planned out but God gave me something different at the last minute" trick. Wow, we've never heard that before...
  • The "something REALLY big is coming... (eventually)" trick. How many decades have to pass before you finally cancel this ambiguous, confusing and useless "word from the Lord?"
  • The "healing service that's actually just a guy telling stories about all the healings he supposedly did somewhere else" trick. Lucky for this guy, the people who come to get healed are usually so desperate and confused they stay the whole time anyway. When they don't get healed they often blame themselves, too.
  • The "watch me talk very very fast, as if the sheer quantity of my words equated to Godly wisdom" trick. I suppose if you slowed down everyone could see that you're not really saying anything.
  • The "shift in the atmosphere" trick. Is this the Christian Church or an episode of Ghost Hunters?
  • The "Holy Spirit Tourette Syndrome" trick. Really? That's supposed to be the result of the Holy Spirit?? 

 

  • The "don't put God in a box" trick. This is how you turn the sovereign God of the Universe who has revealed Himself in His Holy Word into your own weird little creation. 
  • The "Law of Attraction" trick. Well, if you don't want to preach the Gospel from the Bible, I guess you might as well steal ideas from Oprah...
  • The "God spoke to me, so you pretty much have to believe whatever I say" trick. Don't worry, hardly anyone will notice that this is exactly how all cults get started.

Stay tuned for more Stupid Pastor Tricks!

 

-This article by Steven Kozar

The "Bethel Board"-Encounter God With This New Game! (No, it's NOT a Ouija Board, You Religious Pharisee)

(Please read this entire article)

We all know how important it is to have massive encounters with God, right? Well, now it can be fun, too! Introducing the brand new board game from Bethel Church in Redding, California: "The Bethel Board!" (And it's just in time for Christmas!)

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Since the prophet Kris Vallotton decided that "Christian Tarot Cards" were okay (as long as we call them "Destiny Cards") we are now free to welcome any Occult, New Age, or fortunetelling practices into the church and into our living rooms! Imagine all the fun you'll have as you get direct downloads from the Third Heaven! With this spiritual-but-not-religious new board game, you'll be just like Bill Johnson himself (and without his vacuous, rambling and incoherent speeches to spoil all the fun).

And don't keep all the fun to yourself, invite your pagan friends over to play the game so they can get a "reading" on their "destiny!" They'll never know you're a Christian! What a great way to reach the lost with the message of Destiny, Presence Therapy, Dream Interpretation and Relationship Alignment.

For all of you narrow-minded people who think this is just a re-packaged Ouija board, you have nothing to fear because this game draws from the same divine energy of the Christ spirit, as ancient followers did and it operates only out of the third heaven realm to gain insight and revelation. Don't worry, Bethel Board encounters coming from the third heaven realm bring lasting life transformation and guidance! 

So pick up this supernaturally exciting new game at your local Christian Bookstore today!

 


This whole article is fake, it's a crazy over-the-top satire piece. Or is it really "over-the-top?"

The language used in this article comes from Bethel Church and from Christalignment.org, in fact, the last paragraph simply inserts "Bethel board" into sentences taken word for word from the home page of Christalignment (note the bottom two paragraphs):

 

The people at Christalignment are serious about going undercover so they can use Destiny Card readings to tell people their "Destiny" (and not preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Here are some examples from the Christalignment website:

 

Christalignment and Bethel Church teach the same things! Here's a story written by a student of Bethel's "School of Supernatural Ministry" where students are encouraged to operate undercover at New Age/Psychic  fairs: Are You More Religious Than Jesus?

Here's a screenshot of the article:

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Global Awakening, which was founded by Randy Clark (a very close friend of Bill Johnson and Bethel) produced a movie called Witch City that features their students doing exactly the same thing as Christalignment:

I used to preach Christ and Him crucified for sinners, but now I do readings on people so I can tell them their destiny.
— NOT a Real Apostle from the Holy Bible

Brian Houston: Used Car Salesman Pushing the Hillsong Brand

On July 6th, 2017, Brian Houston wrote an article for an Australian News site. In this article, he shows himself to be a "used car salesman" who is just pushing his Hillsong brand under the guise of being a pastor who cares about the entire country of Australia. Let's take a look at what he wrote and analyze it; Houston's words are in bold, and my comments will be in italics and in parentheses. -Steven Kozar

 

 

THE census results that revealed a small drop in the number of people calling themselves “Christian”, and less people identifying themselves as being affiliated with any religion, should be a wake-up call for the Christian church across Australia.

While these results were not unexpected, the census also showed the changing social values our country is facing including a rise in the number of people following the Muslim faith.

Again, this is not surprising, as it is clear that Australia’s immigration policies are having an impact on the texture and makeup of our society. Yet as a Christian pastor it does concern me that what I see as the foundations of our community — the values that bring us together — are being diminished, and the faith that has shaped our nation for so long is declining.

While many Australians are not practising Christians and value, as I do, the many different cultures that form our country, I believe the vast majority also want a strong sense of national identity and don’t want to lose those features that make us unique. (This appears to be an attempt to say to the non-Christians in his audience: "Hey! We're really nice; not like those Muslims. If you won't become a Christian, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me continue growing this Hillsong monster across the country; it makes us unique!")

At the same time, Australians are concerned at the extremism they see overseas and are fearful that recent events in Australia make us vulnerable to a similar path.

The Christian church can — and should — play a significant role in reshaping our national identity and providing Australians with hope, love, peace and faith. I am convinced that, just as Christianity was the solution to the greatest human issues 2000 years ago, so it is to this day. (This is one of many examples where Houston turns the Christian Church into a vague and charitable entity for the purpose of increasing brand acceptance to his targeted demographic. How, specifically, is the Christian Church offering a solution to the greatest human issues? What is the solution he speaks of? Who knows? He never proclaims the actual Gospel message. )

The recent census figures show that many Australians are understandably disenchanted by church child abuse scandals (This is coming from the guy who protected his pedophile father, Frank Houston) and the perceived irrelevance of formalised religion. At the same time we are seeing an increasing demonising of Christianity for holding firm to 2000-year-old biblical perspectives on societal issues such as sexuality, marriage and the inherent value of human life.

But are we witnessing the demise of Christianity and the church in our country? I don’t believe so. Despite these census statistics there are life-giving churches all over the country that are growing, youthful, and clearly meeting the very real needs of people. (Here's where Brian Houston defines his brand: Life-giving. Growing. Youthful. Meeting the Very Real Needs of People. No Old People Allowed. Take Your Hymnals and Your Wheelchairs and Just Go Away.)

The gospel message is timeless and should not be tampered with; but for the church, the methods simply must change to keep pace with society’s desperate cry for authenticity and a deeper meaning in life. The Christian message is one of love and acceptance, and must replace the sense of hatred, fear and cynicism that the world is experiencing at the moment.  (It should surprise no one that Houston fails to articulate any Gospel message at all. "The gospel message is one of love and acceptance?" No Brian, that's the message of postmodern pop culture; that's the message of a spineless frontman trying to win the approval of the most gullible members of society. The Gospel is about how Jesus died on the cross to pay for the sins of mankind. If society is actually crying out for authenticity, as you claim, how is the Hillsong brand helping? By putting on even bigger spectacles in even larger auditoriums with even cooler "pastors," who have bad theology but dress like primping rock stars? THAT'S the Hillsong solution to society's deepest needs? Brian Houston IS the problem! Hillsong is a heavily-marketed corporate entity pretending to be a church, and hurting untold thousands of people with a false Gospel message.)

 

In my experience, as I engage with everyday Australians in cafes, airports, or shopping malls, people at large are not anti-God; they are anti hypocrisy, irrelevance, and ‘tired’ old religion that has compromised on issues of morality and Christian distinctives(This is the Hillsong pitch: "You don't like hypocrites? Neither does Hillsong! You don't like 'tired' old religion? Neither does Hillsong! Wow, it sounds like our church is perfect for you, doesn't it?! Now, what's it gonna take to get you to drive this church off the lot today?")

We, the church in Australia, are stewards of a message desperately needed in these complex days. The good news of Jesus Christ is a message of life and hope and the New Testament points to a God who is for us and not against us. In a world of extremism, tension, hatred, horror and sheer evil, the Australian church, no matter what the persuasion, is desperately needed in this country. But are we recognising societal needs and focusing on bringing life-giving answers? Sadly, often the answer is no. People need community and a real sense of belonging. People need hope. You can live a certain amount of time without food — a lot less time without water — but we were never designed to live without hope. (Once again, Houston mentions nothing of the redemption that Jesus provided by His death on the cross. Instead, he tells everyone about the need for hope that we all share. Yes, we all need hope, but Houston is not providing real hope, he's selling the Word of Faith and New Apostolic Reformation bucket of bolts that takes money from people and gives them nothing in return. The "community" of Hillsong is not based on the true fellowship that the Christian Church provides, because Hillsong is not a real Christian Church. Btw, yes I know, I know, there are some actual Christians involved in Hillsong...)

People are tired of religion with form but without substance, with ritual but without relevance — that is what people are shunning. People are scared because of the evil we constantly witness on the news — in the name of religion. (Hillsong, like every cool new Mega-Church, claims to be "real" and "relevant" but those are just catch-phrases, and a growing number of people are abandoning these "churches," as they figure out that this is a bait and switch sales pitch. This is a marketing gimmick, and it works for a while, just like any multi-level marketing organization. Hillsong constantly hypes itself, uses hyped-up rock bands with laser light shows and has hyped-up "pastors" preaching a positive-thinking/prosperity message that tickles itching ears. And of course, it always contrasts itself against crusty old "religion." You don't like religion? Neither does Hillsong!...)

  The "Life-Giving" LASERS OF HILLSONG

The "Life-Giving" LASERS OF HILLSONG

 

No matter what the denomination or name above our doors, the Australian church that believes in Jesus Christ, must show more commitment to the real issues. We must help people to find a sense of belonging, meet physical and spiritual needs, and speak life-giving messages that connect with people’s everyday lives.  (So, Brian says that churches must "show more commitment to real issues." That's quite a sentence, coming from the master of hype, marketing and Prosperity Pimping. What does he leave out, again? The Gospel message. Jesus did not die on the cross to just help people "find a place of belonging," so we can "speak life-giving messages" of prosperity and earthly success. Oh wait, the Gospel message doesn't "connect with people's everyday lives," nevermind...)

With a 2017 worldview and a first-century message, the church in Australia will continue to be an active, effective, and dynamic part of the heart and fabric of this wonderful country. (This is a real audacious sales job; it's completely backward and upside down. This is putting a cheap, but shiney paint job on a broken-down rust bucket. A "2017 worldview?" What does that even mean? And he says that Hillsong has a "first-century message?" Really?? When did the first-century church use stadiums, rock bands with laser-light shows, TV shows and Word of Faith heretical teaching based on sorcery, selfishness and power-grabbing businessmen sporting perfectly groomed beard stubble in place of sacrificial and pastoral shepherding? When did the first-century church abandon the message of repentance for the forgiveness of sins and replace it with a Naked Cowboy?

When did the first-century church go to bars with pop superstars to down shots and start to take off their clothes? When did the first-century church have "pastors" like these? (yes, these are Hillsong "pastors"):

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Let’s keep our distinctive traditions, Eucharist or biblical values but recognise the times we now live in and bring to people the answers they desperately need.  (This sounds like a politician fumbling for words and desperately trying to come across as broadminded and knowledgeable while saying nothing of any substance. "Eucharist?" How does that even fit within that sentence?? Come on Brian, you can afford a good ghost-writer; I suggest you hire someone who can construct fully functional sentences.)

I’m a believer. The church in Australia has the perfect message for a deeply troubled world in 2017. We just cannot afford to make the methods more sacred than the message. (Translation: "We've got this giant Hillsong thing figured out, and I'm getting filthy rich as a result, so you better let us keep expanding like a giant blob of rancid bread dough across this great country.")


Read and research more about Brian Houston and the Hillsong Brand: The Brian Houston & Hillsong Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Abuse, Obfuscation & Money Generation

Here are a whole bunch of episodes of Fighting for the Faith where Brian Houston's "sermons" are compared to true Christian doctrine from the Bible: Fighting for the Faith

Tired of Mega-Church Mobsters and the Evangelical Industrial Complex? Read A Manifesto of Christian Discernment

The User's Guide to Postmodern "Emergent" Christianity

     Step one is essential: "Get in the loop!" What does this mean, you ask? Well, this thought pattern is almost everything you'll need to stay clueless within the confines of Postmodern Christianity. Once you start thinking this way, you'll never get out of "the loop." It goes like this:

     "Mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental people are bad, and whatever they believe is instantly invalidated by the fact that they are judgmental, narrow-minded, angry and mean. I get to decide if, and when, they are mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental."

     Once you're safely in this loop you won't need to carefully consider the truth claims of another believer with their precious little Bible verses. And, thankfully, you'll never have to learn anything about the theology and creeds that have been passed down for almost two thousand years. Remember, there are still old-fashioned Christians who believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, and they are mean, angry, narrow-minded and judgmental. These dinosaurs want to conduct church the same old way and cling to antiquated beliefs that are out of step with today's social climate. You can easily ignore these people if you're "in the loop." Before you know it, you will have completely dehumanized them and it won't even faze you that you've been the judgmental one all along! 

 

      To follow step two, say something like this: "That may be true for you, but it's not true for me." In days of old, this was only used for superficial matters, like one's preference of Mary Ann over Ginger. But nowadays this simplistic catch phrase serves a vital new purpose: it enables anyone to ignore God's Word with impunity. It used to be that a Christian couldn't just go around rearranging and reinterpreting the Bible, but now it's easy! You may substitute similar catch phrases like "I just feel like it's not wrong for me" or you can even quote that great Bible verse: "What is truth? asked Pilate..."

      Step three, in case you haven't already figured it out, is this: Don't take the Bible very serious at all, just give it lip-service. I know, I know, this sounds extreme, but remember this is Postmodern Christianity. Postmodernity is a belief system that says that no belief system is true. It's absolutely certain that nothing is absolutely certain. The Bible is full of absolute truth claims, that's why it's so exclusive, hateful and out-of-date. However, you will still need to make reference to it on occasion, so it's good to have some overly simplistic proof-texts handy. "Thou shall not judge" is the all-time most popular proof-text, so feel free to use it as often as you want. Just remember not to read the entire passage in the actual Bible, otherwise you'll see what Jesus really meant. You can even misquote it like this: "Who are we to judge?" or "Only God can judge-that's not my job!"

 

      The Bible has clear rules about what is right and wrong, so you will need to avoid all of that. Remember, people generally hate God's rules, so you need to stay on their side; instead, make those Bible thumping "traditional" Christians seem like the real problem, i.e. they're bad because they think they're better than anyone else. You must ignore the fact that true Bible-believing Christians don't think they're better than anyone else, they are simply pointing to the unchangeable truth of God's Word as the only ultimate authority. Furthermore, the Gospel itself is only "Good News" because Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins... and we couldn't even have sins unless we were guilty of breaking God's commandments... and since God Himself gave us His commandments we are clearly guilty and in need of a Savior.... do you see how this all falls apart if you start reading the Bible? You'll just turn into a regular Christian-ugh!

     Instead of that, keep it simple and just say something like "I believe the way of Jesus is love" or "I believe God just wants everyone to be happy in their own way." Nobody's going to argue with that, right? For more ideas on how to misquote God's Word, just listen to any interview with Rob Bell, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, Tony Jones or any of the hip new emergent leaders. With a good dose of sincerity and direct eye contact (plus some emotional background music), you can say almost anything in the name of Jesus!

     Finally, when in doubt, always prefer ambiguity over certainty and truth. Ambiguity is the magic glue that holds Postmodern Christianity together. What does this mean? I don't know, what do you think it means? Is it possible that the ambiguity of uncertainty is really just the context from within which our sense of community can emerge? I don't know, I'm just asking the question, because the beauty of relationship reveals itself through the self-discovery process, as we all find personal meaning collectively and individually. I'm not saying that anyone's version of truth is right or wrong; I'm just asking questions so that a dialogue can be established. Maybe there's a better way, a way where all of our collective narratives can form a cohesive, yet multi-faceted story. Maybe this new meta-narrative can lead us to a place where fear and hatred will be replaced by mystery, beauty, and ongoing book sales. A place with well-attended conferences and substantial speaking fees, a place of extensive radio and T.V. interviews and, ultimately, a regular guest position with Oprah. We must dream. We must hope. We must never reach any conclusions.

(See how easy this is?)

 

Now get out there and confuse everyone! You can do it!! 


Here's a great episode of Fighting for the Faith to help you understand Postmodernism better: A Beginner's Guide to Post-Modernity

Check out this article (with a TON of links) from the Berean Examiner: Postmodern Christianity's End Game?

For a serious look at the "Emerging/Postmodern" church, please watch this extensive video:

For an extensive and serious understanding of Postmodernism please listen to this audio book from Professor Stephen Hicks:

(Thanks to the folks at Pyromaniacs for the memes)

 

 

"Want Some False Doctrine in Your Life? Try These Handy Tips!"

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Don't be shy about it, go ahead and admit it: false doctrine is fun and, well it just feels good! Here are some handy tips to keep you fully deceived and incapable of discernment:

1. Always think to yourself: "I know what he meant" when false teachings are taught; don't listen to the actual words themselves. Pretend you are giving someone the "benefit of the doubt" when you're actually permitting bad teaching. Also, bad teaching isn't so bad if the pastor tells an emotional story to drive home the heresy; and he must be telling the truth if he starts to cry, especially at the same point of the story in multiple services!

2. Here's a handy saying: "No church is perfect!" The assumption here is that it's not of any value to carefully examine doctrine because all churches are wrong in one way or another, so just accept anything. If you go to the church because "you feel comfortable there" and the "worship team really rocks" you'll probably never have to think much about doctrine anyway. This can also be modified as: "No pastor is perfect!" False teachers and mediocre pastors really appreciate it when you think this way.

3. Focus on your feelings rather than the clear teachings of Scripture. Because you're a sinner, this will be very easy. For added validation of your false beliefs, convince yourself that God told you to disobey Him and somehow violate His word; but don't use such obvious language. For example, say: I really feel that God spoke to my heart, that's why I believe it's okay to.. (fill in the blank with whatever sin and/or false doctrine you want). A great little catch phrase to instill this principle would be something like this: "Theology will never change a man as much as a direct encounter with God." Of course, if you really had a direct encounter with God you'd probably be dead...

4. Allow false doctrine from a teacher because "he has some good things to say, too..." A handy little phrase to repeat is: "Chew on the meat and spit out the bones." Although this concept isn't Biblical, pretend that it is. It will probably help you to imagine yourself "open-minded" and "non-judgmental" when you repeatedly ignore God's clear instructions to hold fast to correct doctrine.

5. Consider "doctrine" the same thing as "religiosity" or "legalism." If you realize that doctrine is just another word for teaching (and the Bible demands correct teaching) you might decide to become more discerning, and remember, false teachers everywhere are counting on you to stay ignorant and gullible.

6. Promote false teaching "for the sake of the un-churched." You want to have lot's of new people coming to church, don't you? Well, give the public what they want and watch attendance skyrocket! Remember, the unrepentant sinners out there will show up if they are promised something to appease their selfish desires. Better sex? Bigger paychecks? Well-behaved children? God can give your unsaved neighbor all of that-and more! The seeker-friendly pastor already knows this dynamic growth program, and with your blind support (and weekly tithe checks) he will craft emotionally appealing motivational speeches to convert pagans into regular attending members! And let's not forget that these same pastors ("leadership experts") will provide your community with a sense of purpose and identity (and a six-figure salary for themselves), so don't bog them down with Biblical requirements that would stunt the growth of the organization.

7. "Group Think" is a major component of false doctrine, so, "go with the group!" Fortunately for you, there are plenty of groups that are teaching and promoting false doctrine, so just pick the one you're most comfortable with and buy into their twisted version of Christianity. Here are some of your choices:       

     First, there's the "What do we believe this month?" "Emerging", "Post-Modern" church (think: Rob Bell, Brian McClaren, etc.). Millennials love this one; it's hip and it only get's hipper as it dumps Biblical doctrine in favor of pagan mysticism and cultural sensitivity (which is usually just capitulation to the culture). Remember, you're never actually believing false doctrine, you're just "having a conversation!" Wink wink, nudge nudge.

     Second, for the suburban soccer-mom crowd, there's the "seeker-friendly" mega church (think: Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Andy Stanley, etc.). These churches are a mash-up between a cinema-plex, a shopping mall and a Starbucks. Bigger is better, right?! And if you ever (accidentally) start to question whether anything lines up with Scripture, you can just take a look around the vast auditorium: this many people can't be wrong! As long as you think so, you clever little conformist! 

     Thirdly, for the truly adventurous, you can find a vast number of Charismatic churches that aren't even close to orthodox Christianity! (Think: Bill Johnson, Rick Joyner, T.D. Jakes, etc.) What's not to like about a church that believes anyone can come up with new doctrine anytime by hearing directly from God?! Oh sure, they give lip service to the Bible, but with proof-texting they can make the Bible appear to say anything! Does God just want you to be rich, happy and successful? Sure He does! Do we just have to "speak that into existence?" Sure we do! Remember, the Holy Spirit is your personal genie in a bottle, and after you've swayed back and forth with the praise band for an hour or two, you'll actually start to believe that. Key words and phrases: "Woooo!" "Fire!" "More, Lord, more!" "Shabba!" "I feel a releasing of the anointing that is beginning to shift the atmosphere, and the mantle of His Presence is about to come down so that the glory of His anointing can release His manifestation into the manifold destiny of His glory, so that the seven mountain mandate can be established in abundance and victory..." 

 

Here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.

If you think it's mean and unloving to be critical of false teachers in the church, please consider what the Bible actually says: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know