Joel Osteen will make it all better


Broke? Need a fresh vision for your life? Pastor Joel Osteen has just released a new book that will make your trials and tribulations go away, and your carnal desires and dreams come true! (Yes, we'll have a little tongue-in-cheek fun with this, but there is no fun to be had when you consider the millions who are being deceived into Hell by this wolf.)

Osteen's new book, YOU CAN, YOU WILL, was released a few days ago and claims to identify the "eight irrefutable traits and attributes of highly successful people:

Ready to release the bold champion in you? Here are those eight things Joel will help you do:

  1. Create bold visions - Dare to dream big dreams.
  2. Run your own race - Focus on your unique course and goals.
  3. Think positively - Control your thoughts and attitudes.
  4. Expect Good things to happen - Anticipate great opportunities.
  5. Stay Passionate - Light the fire within and approach life with enthusiasm.
  6. Commit to excellence - Do your best and maintain high standards.
  7. Keep growing - Deal with your weaknesses and continually improve.
  8. Serve Others - Invest yourself in others.